Eighty percent
Wednesday, December 28, 2016 | 7:17 AM
Something that I got out of this semester is that while everyone always say that it is good to give 100% in life (the yolo argument is so last season okay), actually 80% is more ideal.
“When you go for the interview, make sure that you are about 80% happy. If you hit 90% you'll start going crazy and not make sense. But when you are too down, you’re not very confident and when you're stuck you tend to look away a lot.”
Got this advice before I went for an important interview in Uni. And it really hearten and touched me because... it felt like someone understands and know me without me having to try or make an extra effort to make that person understands me. And the thing was I didn’t even realize that she would be watching out for me in her own way.
OH the bitchy side of yours truly needs to rant. LOL. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post that I am meeting more new people than before at this current phase in my life (out of which, I think 80% gonna be temporary people #honestyismypolicy). And many of these people kept saying, “oh I want to learn more about you”, “oh I want to get to know you better” but their approach is always, “oh but you have to tell me so that I can get to know you better”, “oh what would you like”, oh tell me about this and that etc.
I KNOW I CAN BE QUITE FUNNY AND INTERESTING BUT I HAVE NO OBLIGATIONS TO ENTERTAIN YOU. I guess I don’t mind sharing since I’m quite open anyways but people need to realize that typing long chunk of messages or texting for days on end can be extremely tiring after a while, especially if there are a lot of other things to do and settle. And maybe it can be talking in real life but there is this thing call the self-disclosure curve. (P.S. I did not make it up okay even though I use Paint to draw this LOL but it’s something I learnt in Social Psyc)
So as you can see, self-disclosure is known as the act of sharing intimate information about oneself and people who disclose more about themselves are more often seen to be more likeable. BUT deng deng deng, there is actually a peak to this disclosure thingamajig and if you disclosure more after that peak, one would actually be less likable (and I think it is to others and also to themselves).
Andddd only at age 20 (though turning 21 in less than a month hohoho highlighting this whenever appropriate), did I realize that actually, all this while when I felt uncomfortable about talking too much, I was actually sliding down this peak of the self-disclosure curve LOL. So you see, 100% don’t work all the time. If you disclose 100%, you are no better than if you disclose 0% about yourself (not sure if 100% can actually make you feel even worse than 0% but personally I think it does for me LOL).
And it really shouldn’t be a problem because having someone to tell you what they are like is not the only way to learn about that person. I didn’t have to tell my friend “oh you know my performance fluctuates a lot based on my mood because I am quite an emotional person?” (and to be honest that’s not something people will normally say cause it’s not something to be proud of LOL like, “oh you know, actually I’m an emotional wreck?”).
Yes I’m beginning to realize that people, who take this kind of approach in relationships (family-ship, friend-ship, lover-ship, whatever ship that’s sailing), may appear to be the ones putting in a lot of effort into the relationship, but they are actually shifting the burden on to the other person. Just cause you ask doesn’t mean that person is obliged to answer, or may even feel comfortable about answering. And it doesn’t mean that the other person is not nice or mean or insensitive to your feelings. It can even be the other way round, you are not considerate of their feelings just cause you feel more strongly about yours.
... I love how an education makes me reflect more about things and complicates life even more (... at this rate I will really be left on the shelves HAHAHAHA) Hmm but to be honest, I find it kind of difficult to be left on the shelves. Not because there are a lot of guys chasing me or what but because I always have the need to love people and care for people. (Oh I don’t think it is altruism... yours truly is not that 伟大 (wei3 da4). LOL. I guess I just have a very high need for social affiliation and approval and I rely a lot on making others happy to be happy and to fill up the emptiness within me.)
When I was with my ex, I showered him with my love (but apparently still not enough for him because I give some to my friends and family too). During my Year 1 summer break (May to Aug 2016), I showered my kids at the student care and the beneficiaries of where I volunteer at with all my love (honestly I think that is really some of the best time of my life after graduating from RV so far LOL), and it was really like my peak omg. And now in Year 2 Semester 1 ... I think I have been showering it in all the wrong areas.
I’m used to not having my love reciprocated because I know not everyone loves like I do. But ... LOL this time I get reprimanded for loving because it misleads people. But I am not a player okay? I AM THE GAME. HAHAHHAHAHA KIDDING. (I think Kelvin is the only one who can laugh at this with me sobs. Main bitch jiu shi different from the rest) But actually it’s not that funny also cause it’s something that has been bugging me.
Anyways, I guess this is even more important when it comes to the give-your-80% thing. For my own sake, I’m just gonna keep that 20% for myself. And at the end of the day, I can say “oh I lost 80%” instead of “oh I lost 100%”.
All this while I’ve been loving, and suddenly I’m not sure if I have ever, ever, fallen in love.
Labels: Life, Rants, Relationships, Theory
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