words that kills , once ,
Sunday, October 23, 2011 | 4:22 PM
LOL my water bottle broke . My pretty pink polka dots . :/ Oh but i got a new bag (Y) a purple one spammed with white stars . Not of a high quality but it's cheap . :D Anyways , they were talking about vulgarities de other day . Saying how we shouldn't scold vulgarities at people . Personally , i dont think vulgarities hurt . People usually say that when their emotions are heated , mostly unintentionally hurting . And at the same time just polluting themselves . Words that really kill , words that really hurt . I think , are words like , "SO?" , "Whatever." , "Fine" , "Orh" , "Bye" . Stuffs along this lines . Dismissive , uncaring . If you know what i mean . If i scold you a bitch . It means i disapproval of your actions .But when you say words like those , those dismissive words which i mentioned , it means you no longer care .
Means it no longer bothers you and it means that me or whoever ishh the subject , ishh of no importance to you . Speaking of caring . Was on the topic of over-caring just yesterday . Sometimes we couldn't decide whether to care too much or not to care . When we care too much , we sometimes hurt ourselves , but when we dont care , it seem to hurt others and hurt ourselves agains . It's like , when we decide to let it go , we suddenly hold on tighter . Stuffs like that , happening everyday in daily life . Self-contradictions . I wish i cans elaborate and explain myself but brilliant me just happen to be at loss for words suddenly . :/
Anyways , sometimes when people say that to me , like "whatever" , i laughed it off or attempt to make some comeback , like everything's okays . That's the thing , i laugh it off , but during those times , i actually hurt inside . Especially when people say "so?" like it's de only thing they know how to say . ... I know , i find it cool but you dont , you dont care about it . I get it . So next time i wont tell you agains . Then you say i leave you out , dont tell you stuffs . Idk why i pretend it's fine half the time when you repeatedly hurt me with your words . Intentional or not . ... Okays . Fine . I know why . It's cause idw to hurt you like how you are hurting me . It'd be easier for me to "whatever" or "so?" you back to or just give you an attitude and sian face . But i care whether you will get hurt . Maybe you wont bother yourself with what i think . But i'm not risking it . Like you do .
`it's a wonder how people always fear that they're the subject of the context when no names are mentioned . guess i'm not the only one with that fear ,
Oh yeah . Went to Amy's house to swim last friday . *random song popping in* Last friday night ~~ Okays . Where was i . Oh yeah . Went her house to swim . Tried to make a whirlpool in her Jacuzzi but failing miserably . LOL ! and i think we looked like retards running around inside the Jacuzzi . And that brilliant girl just have to fall down to prove my point . LOL !
Then we went to play at the kids' water playground . Omg that was fun . Tried sliding down the slide backward , forward , on-my-front-wards , thinking i very cool . LOL ! and two kids just have to come and attack us . ... AGAINS .
They were blond . Awww . Cuties . The little guy was like HOLDING THE GUN then telling her mum we wanna kill them . Kids and their imagination . How i miss the innocence . Surely now i'm never able to just go up to a random teenage to even play a simple game of scissors paper stone . :x Kopp their food maybe . But talking / playing with a stranger ishh even beyond my amazing capabilities . Then we also attempted to swim in de adult pool ... without goggles . Okays . She swam a bit while i hobble around trying to act sexy and cool . ._. Gahhh . Love jumping into de pool but hate water going up my nose and stinging my eyes .
Speaking of eyes , my left eye now ishh like peeling and swollen . Since i dont know when , i've been rubbing it and it's now getting smaller . So my eye now looks very disgusting , up-close and far-away . :/ Now dont dare put contacts too thanks to that . But i not sure how to treat it . And it's like super dry too ... Gahhh nvms . Talk about something else . Oh yeah . Got scolded by Mrdelacruz de other day . He was like super angry ...
Apparently i was seemingly very gl in class and Chenxi (L) said it's very rude , and now that i think about it i think she's right but at that point of time it was just for a laugh . So i wasn't as mature as i thought i was , should have kept my big mouth shut . :/ Anyways , he sounded and looked scary . But idk why i wasn't scared . Though i felt like peeing cause genius me went to drank alot of water before that . ._. I wasn't scared ... i was more of ... wondering how others are judging me . Lawls . Caring about others' judgement sucks big time . :/
Anyways , that wasn't any highlight . P: Band resuming now . Gahhh . Tiring much . But having you to fetch me after every hardcore practice seems to make everything more bearable . Feeling like a useless piece of crap when combing with yuhua . Kept having this feeling that i've no need to be there . And i dont think there's anyone who could ever make this feeling go away . And feeling more judged than ever . Haish . Cant wait for it to be over . Not that i hate it . I love the experience and the fun i'm having but i just couldn't help turning cold and lost and useless inside out at the same time . Sucks to be me . D:
And for the first time i looked someone in de eye and said iloveyou , for the first time , i sang to someone from the bottom of my heart and with all my love . You never know how much you mean to me . Even when i lost the words to say , love will always find its way , ♥ ... okays idk what i talking suddenly . gosh . :x
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and snow white ate the poison apple ,
Sunday, October 16, 2011 | 7:10 PM
Recently my ezlink card money like kana suck by vacuum , although kiddies like me de bus fare ishh lesser than adult's fare , i cans spent up to like 3 plus bucks on travelling alone in one day . That's like about 3 to and fro journey . For example , ytd's journey . Took 157 to JP with my Nico(L) , then took 174 home with Isabelle(L) , then take 157 back to JP there to fetch my Nico(L) from tuition then took 157 home agains with Nico(L) . cans totally memorize the route now . :x if only i'm like taking a limo or a plane or sth cool like that . Totally make everything more interesting . :P ! *MC voice* And folks , that's de end of today's episode of "money flying away from me" . .... idk if anyone will get me . D:
Speaking of money flying away , went to watch "Dream House" ytd with Isabelle (L) and Chenxi (L) too . Ticket was like $10.50 . Argh expensive . Normally pay like around $7.50 . The show's pretty cool though . Another one of those movies which make me wanna talk at length about it right after i leave my seat . ... If you know those feeling . :x At first thought the show will be about horror . But at the climax , there was an unexpected twist . Totally learned more about split personality . :D .... okays ... either the main character has like a powerful imagination or he cans like really see people from de another world yo . :x
Totally having like no goals after eoys are over . And having like no mood to do anything at all . Cant be bothered to go out , watch tv until sian , keep using FB until i'm super sick of it . No wonder my parents worrying . Results come back die ler . They for sure say cause i use too much computer then affect my results . But i think i've worked hard this year . Was doing my annual sorting of worksheets , saw that last year paper two i got 55/60 . this year maths paper two maybe cans around 55 too . :D .... upon 80 . :x Anyways , my sweetest gave me a challenge to blog about apples . so.... here goes nothing . P:
10 Facts you never knew about Apples
1. They help in the discovery of gravity
2. They can be made into Apple pies (Y)
3. It is nice and amazing to see apples float on water .
4. It helped Steve Jobs earns tons of money
5. They make good perfume
6. The apple is a symbol for knowledge, immortality, temptation, the fall of man into sin, and sin itself. (in de story of “The Apple in the Garden of Eden”)
7. They make good snacks
8. Drawing apples are the fundamental of arts (… wait… I think ishh eggs… )
9. Seeds of apple trees cans grow into apple trees and apple trees can give shelter (Y)
10. When you dunno what else to blog about you cans blog about apples
(11) Actual facts of apples .
1. Apples come in all shades of reds, greens, and yellows.
2. Two pounds of apples make one 9-inch pie.
3. Apples are fat, sodium, and cholesterol free.
4. Apples are a great source of the fiber pectin. One apple has five grams of fiber.
5. The science of apple growing is called pomology.
6. Apple trees take four to five years to produce their first fruit.
7. Apples were the favorite fruit of ancient Greeks and Romans.
8. Apples are a member of the rose family.
9. The largest apple picked weighed three pounds.
10. It takes the energy from 50 leaves to produce one apple.
11. Apples are the second most valuable fruit grown in the United States. Oranges are first.
DISCLAIMER :
Although apples, known as a cleansing food, are a good source of vitamin C, more than two or three a day does not increase the health benefits. Large quantities of apple juice can encourage tooth decay and diarrhoea.
Recently found out about alot of things that i would rather not know . I always feel that the more you know , the less innocent you are . And there's something about those loss innocence that you cans never get back . Random thought : " Ignorance ishh bliss " . Sometimes , the things you found out might make you feel worse . Although , there are exception . Two sides to a coin , i'll start on the brighter side . :)
Once in a while , me and my sweetest , we'll talk about the days before we knew each other , or the starting of us . And de other day , quite long ago anyways , i found out that while i've been noticing him on the bus , i've not been completely invisible to him . *silent gloats* hahaha. okiesokies solli . :P It had totally made my day that day , when he told me that sometimes he'll miss de bus if i happen to be late that morning just to stand next to me on the bus . Had i stayed ignorant , had i not go and get to know him , that would be something that i'll never know for the rest of my life . And that would have been my greatest regret . Sometimes we find out things that make us really happy , like how that cute guy ishh attracted to you or how other girls are envy of you . *ego boost* But the thing ishh , we have no control what will happen . We'll never know what's around the corner until we turn around the corner .
And here goes me , turning around the corner , and finding out ugly facts about people whom i once like . But because of what i've learn , because they dunno that i know , it kinda feels awkward deep inside . So .... it seems like my point ishh i dont wanna know right ? But here comes the contradiction . I find it disturbing if people private their stuffs . Nowadays people seldom blog . Most just tumblr and reblog . And even if they blog , or have any online diary of any kind , they go around private-ing it . And what ishh it about the world nowadays that so many have so much to hide . And here goes me going back to square one , i dont wanna find out , but nor do i want people to hide . It's like ... i wanna try what it's like to jump down from a building , but i dont wanna get hurt when i land .
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And they thought they couldn't make it .
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 | 9:56 PM
Rmb the dance I was oh so worried about in my previous posts ? Yeah well it was today and it was over . And surprise surprise . I'm sad . I really missed it . Damn . Couldn’t believe I was thinking about how to get an MC today last week . How to get out of it . But now , I just wish I could relive the moment on stage . Relive the moment I had practising with my mates . Actually felt kinda empty after school today . Not having the practices . Lawls . I miss my dance mates . Rousha , Danni , Yinyee , Ziqian , Burrows (yes a guy have this name . still find it unbelievable yo . :P ) , Chester and Edwin . (L) ( Okays and Kahkit but he just avoid me throughout and I’ve no need to share with everyone what a horrible company I was that he have to avoid me . )
I miss having that exhilarating moment when I run and exhibit my moves . ( although I have to complain how my body felt like the time when it’s after NAPFA , ACHING ALL OVER TYVM T.T ) I miss how much i've enjoyed myself while dancing . I really really had fun . Although ppl kept telling me I was smiling until very plastic (cause it was so wide perhaps ? ) and spastic throughout the whole thing , I was really having fun . I just couldn’t stop smiling cause I was enjoying myself that much . Feeling so good about the whole damn thing .
(Dedications to the mates yo . though I don’t think you’ll ever see but nvms . keep for the memories . (Y) ) Okays . And here goes the credit . Rousha and Yinyee for redo-ing the cheography thingy . Edwin , for the solo , not everyone would have just take up the job but you tried and I think ..... it was a bit fail but it was great too at the same time cause , well , think about it . Who else will dare to throw their face like that yo ! :P hahahha kidding . Rousha . for taking the patience to go through every step with the slower learners . Ziqian , for letting me GL you , for putting in so much effort with burrows and chester and Danni . And kahkit , for cooperating till the last moment . I know how much you dun wanna do this , how much you felt out of place . It’s not about who looked the best , but who put in the most effort and who kept us together . I still rmb how at the first of the year , how sad I was that I wasn’t put into the same group as my friends . But I’ve so much fun now , I really regretted not cherishing time with you all . LOL ! Why not let’s join a dance competition yo . For the fun of it . hahahahha . :P And rousha cans scream at us for the rest of the time and we just dance around like running a marathon . :P But I had the best of fun which I never thought possible . Thank you all so much omg . One of my favourite memory ever . (L)
Speaking of favourite memories , must totally write down something that I don’t wanna forget . :x Was hiding in some corner with Nico (L) just now , then suddenly got some scrapping sound from somewhere then I was like asking him what was that ? then he said “my stomach” then immediately , right after that , there was a loud BOOM (hahahahah . talk about timing yo :P ) then we look at each other and he said , that’s also my stomach . :] hahahah . okays fine . it doesn’t sound funny when put into words , it’s just one of those you-have-to-be-there-to-get-the-joke moments ! Anyways , imprinted it into my mind ler . Years on I’ll look back , read this , rmb , and laugh agains . hahah I know I will . :x Me and my sense of TALL TALL humour ( inside joke ) ♥
Oh yeah . went out with Manying (okays wtf that looks plain weird LOL) that’s Amy(L)’s Chinese name btw . hahahah ppl I know have weird chi name ( right yong yuan ? :P ) Anyways , went to Vivo with Amy . Argh . Wanted to watch movie but de timing sucked . And we wasted like dunno how long at the counter seeing different movie and their storyline and wasting the time of the woman who served us . :x In de end went to walked around . Went to minitoons buy sweets , then went to eat at KFC . LOL ! I forgot what we were talking about but talked like damn much about damn random stuffs . ( like the chicken now getting smaller . LMAO wth . like some chao auntie counting every miserable cents . ) :X
Then went to Skypark . Hahahha . Met some kids playing with the water . And they were like kept trying to splash us with the water . I wouldn’t have mind had I not been in Pinafore and those kids got those .. you know … potentially-grow-up-will-be-like-ah-beng-kinda face . arghhh *shudder* Attempted to sun tan with her . Epic fail . :x anyways , it was like one of the most carefree days ever . You know those stories about ppl in the fiction stories , how the people just sit at the cafe and watch the world go by ? Yeah . Felt like i have the time to do anything i wanna do in the world sia . .... But then ... Reality strikes and suddenly rmb sth called curfew . T.T
Anyways , today was quite interesting in school other than dance . Morning had this financial talk . And compared to other classes i think we were lucky . They were like having theory then we played this game like monopoly but much harder . Involving stocks , insurance and living saving etc. Had a big regret though . Was too high about the whole damn thing that i forgot to keep myself in check . Anyhow screaming here and shouting there and forgot about the other ppl and was too involved with myself . Argh . I hate it when i kinda lose self-control . It's like painting a picture of abstract art then in de end you forgot your theme ; like playing a round of chess and at the climax , you forgot your moves and how you got there ; like getting judged by people and then there's nothing you cans do . When i lose self-control , i lose my sense of direction and i just kept sprinting forward like a mad bull going at the red cloth and in de end get laughed at .
And it was alicia's birthday on 10th October . It's really saddening . Rmb that after graduating from pri school , we promised each other that even if we cant meet often , we will celebrate each other's birthday every year . Then every year , my birthday gets celebrated cause that period was the least busy . But then de others of Th5 din really have a proper celebration as compared to me . :/ Cause when we get together , we put in our hearts , the best memory we could ever have compared to a touching sms over the phone or a loving post on an FB wall or a blog dedication . Okays fine . I really wanna go out play . Esp with stupid sn and jy . You two see each other every day . i see you two like .... every blue moon ? T.T
Okays . long post . Ah but one last thing before i go . Wanna post about my granny . Cause i wanna post about things that i wanna rmb and here goes ... Me soaking feet in hot water with my granny , brother and aunt in the living room . ♥ Steaming hot love yo . (L) My granny reminds me of a child . Just with a more frail and aged body . But she's cute like that and i always reprimand myself for not cherishing my time with her but i just get so tired after a long day at school that i din really interact with her as much as i want to . Haish . .... Damn . Just rmb something that made me miss her more . She's very huggable . :x Oh her birthday in January too . hahah Capricorn like me . (Y) And there goes me trying to act cute . :x
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And you wish you have someone else's life ,
Thursday, October 6, 2011 | 9:39 PM
Featuring my best friend up there yo . Alicia . haha my little mermaid in K2 , how much you’ve grown yo . How much we’ve ALL grown . But thank god at the same time , we grew closer too . Totally love how we cans don’t meet up for so long and everything seems to remain the same . You still hit hard yo . :p Sorry I no time link all the photos into a story . I will when I finally have the time . Anticipate yo . Hahaha . And soon , we’ll celebrate our 10 years of knowing each other . Maybe should do something special . Even couples don’t last that long . :x ( omgomg . maybe we cans ask xiu zhen lao shi if we cans rent the kindergarten and have a sleepover there ! omgomg !! )
Anyways , she came my house on Children’s Day . A total last minute decision . And it started like ...(I THINK UHH)
Me : “Long time no talk uhh . Happy Children’s Day! :D”
Alicia : “HEYY! Want go cut hair with me?”
Me : “Huh ?? Now?”
Alicia : “YEAH!! you know where good?”
Me : “Aiya you cans go barber la!”
There . Somewhere along those lines and she ended up coming over to my house for de whole afternoon . Did like 10 Chemistry qns and camwhore until like 100+ pictures . Jerk . Flaunting her beautiful eyes . D: Everyone around me has nicer eyes than me . Haish . Dear Lord why make me a single eye-lid de . Even my brother has nicer eyes than me ! And he’s a guy ! He don’t need puppy dog eyes as much as I do ! Life ishh just so unfair . :/ We’re all fishes in the sea , but some belongs to the bottom of the food chain .
Exams are practically over . But why am I more stress than ever . Argh . A nicer word would be terrified , not stress . Idw get scolded during cca . Idw this feeling of fear for every tues and fri afternoon . And probably Saturday whole day too . It’s gonna be so hiong . okays . shouldn’t complain . :/ Damn damn . I wish someone would understand . and here goes me emo-ing . Sometimes we build up walls . Not to keep people out . But to see who cares enough to break them down
I don’t need gifts on every special occasions . I don’t need someone to drive me around . I don’t need someone to hit on me every time we meet . I don’t need someone to come telling me you miss me then purposely avoid me . I don’t need someone to tell me I’ve change when you’ve obviously stop trying to know me . I don’t need someone with that kind of attitude to tell me what’s my problem . I’m sorry you’re so bothered to see me so happy . Well it aint you , it’s just the things you do . If I’m being nice it’s just that I don’t wanna hurt you , if I’m not , you know you totally deserve it . And if you leave my life without a reason , don’t come back with an excuse . (:
Cause he made time for me everyday . Cause he made sure I don’t feel empty when he couldn’t be there . Cause he doesn’t get jealous over every little thing . Cause he let me have a say and be myself . Cause he cares and am proud of me and shows it . Cause he text me first and wait for me to pei him . Cause he send me long texts to tell me how much he loves me and not about what a bitch I am . Cause he tells me about himself , fit me into his everyday life , instead of looking for me only when he feels like it . Cause he showed me love in a way that I've never thought possible . Cause he was there when you weren’t . Cause .... he’s everything you are not :)
Last month text messages reached 7+k . On average , that’s like 200+ messages a day . Lawls . Break own record . It was 5+k a month last time . And my mum ask got so many things to say meh ? Well ... I guess so . :x Like how I manage to crap long posts every time I blogged . Lawls . o: been pretty tired lately but someone (L) kept making sure i'm so caught up with feeling loved and enjoying myself that i had no chance to emo and cry . LOL ! But they say it's the pain that makes you stronger so idk ishh that a good thing or a bad thing . Maybe i wanna stop being strong for a while and just let someone pamper me . O: But if i'm able to be this happy all the time , i wont complain . Idk what i'm trying to put across lately really . I just ... idk . Haish . Kept saying that recently . :/ Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears .
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aint taking sides ? they saw through the lie .
Sunday, October 2, 2011 | 5:16 PM
Normally i'll take like 2 hours to blog . Due to the failure in multitasking and having straight thinking skills . :x so here's me spending 2 hours of my suppose to be mugging time on blogging . P: Anyways , not that i've been mugging 24/7 everyday anyways . Haven't been focusing recently . Yours truly falling sick and if i cans hold on until de day de end of eoy , i will allow myself to collapse a few days after that cause i really dun wanna do that stupid dance aesthetics performance . D:
Anyways , went down to the Singapore Sports Council two days ago . Hasn't been feeling well since thursday . :/ So had a little nap after reaching home from brunch with Chenxi (L) and lunch with Isabelle (L) . Kinda underestimated my time . Supposed to meet Wanzhen , Sally and Yifei at 5:20 . In de end board the bus only at 5:20 . Lawls . And too long never take that bus ( which goes all the way back to the old RV campus at malan ) , and it took like 20 mins more than the usual 1 hour . T.T After meeting with the seniors , still have to take MRT to get to the place . Reaching there like , 7:30 , half an hour late . :x The total travelling time ? .... 2 hours 10 mins . Like seriously . LOL !
And listened to the talk for only ... 1 hour . Supposed to end at 9:30 , ended at 8:30 instead . So had 1 hour to kill before having to leave . Went to slack at the mac nearby , and talked about studies and Cca stuffs and the usual crap , until 9:45 . Then went home .... Reach home at like ... 11pm i think . Took all the mrt lines sia . Circle line , purple line , green line and red line . Only never take LRT or else i could have said i've toured practically all of Singapore . .... During eoy period yesh . :) But it was fun . The seniors were good company (L) but ... i cant really rmb anything from the talk .... :x
.... The guy talked about how to handle customers i think . Okays i kind of do rmb but my head hurts right now so maybe i'll be kind and consider sharing it next time . :) ARGH . Fml . Just realised i went to mug the wrong stuffs . I thought Physics paper was on Thurs and Wed ishh Chemistry so i went to mug Chemistry first . Turns out , it's de other way round . Yes yes i'm panicking but i'm still here blogging . Exams in RV ishh kinda a bit unfair . Things tend to leak out and sometimes , others know more than the rest with inside scoop etc . RV really taught me the importance of having good relationship , social circle and links with other people . And i would remember that when i eventually join the society in like less than 10 years later . :x
Speaking of social circle , i realize i group my friends up , there's de "Top priorities" , "Close friends" , "Section babies" , "Outside School friends" , "Primary School friends" , "Classmates" , "Seniors" , "Cca mates" , "Hi-bye friends" and etc.etc. Talk about bias-ness . IKR . Lawls . My primary school chi teacher once told me , 人的心总是偏的 , everyone will be bias towards something they prefer , choosing to be with someone they are more comfortable with . Anyways , it ishh true literally too . Whose heart ishh in de middle of their body de anyways . Not counting the special cases , which i do know one personally . :x
Truth be told , i'm more bias towards guys . ... *think of people like edwinsin* , okays fine , maybe only some guys . ( no offense there , nah gib you a little ♥ to make up for it . ) Idk if i've said this before . But i find guys kinda less complicated than girls . Easier to hang out with . None of the guys i know are double-face . ( LOL . later at the end i confess i only have one guy friend that will be so .... .... ME ! hahahha kidding . solli i side-tracking ) But of cause , i've my really important girl friends in my life (L) . but not considering them , i'm not really those type who go for girls' htht / "girls only stuffs" . I love everybody , just not , anybody . Ahhh chimology . :) Anyways ... Featuring Christalle (L) :
Ohoh . i rmb ler . The guy from the talk mentioned this : " Even when your words are a lie , the eyes never lies . " You cans tell if someone ishh truly happy or faking it from their eyes . And there's a difference between Asian and Westerns . When westerners have a convo , they will keep constant eye contact , if you look away , it shows signs that you are lying . But for Asian , ( maybe cause of our goldfish attention span ) we tend to look here , look there everywhere . And if you keep staring into someone's eyes , the reaction ? "KUA SI MI KUA !" (direction translation , "kan shen me kan" , or "see what see" ) LOL . Anyways , i guess our eyes are like one of our most vulnerable parts of our body . :x
` You look me in the eye and you told me you love me . Forever . And i saw it in your eyes , that's when i know , ♥
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