I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

Well , i've had it with fake people . I've had it with knowing someone and then suddenly discovering their other side . I've had it with people's assumptions , had it with everyone's pretense . I've had enough of me . Why am i getting upset when people whom I'm not close to are ruining themselves ? *Attempts-to-be-poetic-and-wise-Teh-kicking-in*

On Broken Wings , I Fly
" You have to jump first . Step out , then jump . " A voice behind me said . " Don't turn around . Don't have second thoughts . Don't look at me . You know i will always be here . But look , look in front of you , and then ... jump . "
So , I did .
And the impact that i was waiting for never came .

Dead i'm not . Rather , i feel like i'm finally alive .
The winds are carrying me , i could feel them through my tattered feathers .
If i was in my other life , i know these winds are actually call friends . They blow away my worries , my fears , my doubts , they carry me away from the people who bring me down . They were always there even if i couldn't see them . People say that sometimes it's so hot , and there's no wind . But ... "Winds are moving air and they are still there , even if they've stopped moving , That , was my feeble voice .

I continue flying cautiously , wobbling along on my torn wings , as scenes reappeared from my other life .
I remember a time when the air stop moving , and the winds stop carrying me along . My friends , they stopped moving , they stopped moving forward with me , while i continue my blind chase on what i thought was more important for me .
Our distance widen , our gaps grew , and i could no longer feel the breeze which helped me flew . I want to get to my goals , but at that time , i din realize , that i was leaving the most important things behind .

And without the winds , the clouds blocked my views . And i struggle to beat my wings against these disruptions , suddenly a flash back swept across my eyes and i saw how i couldn't fight my opponents without the support of my friends . As with how the winds cans blow away the clouds , my friends were the ones who backed me when i was challenged , the ones who kept me on track , who helped me see straight .

I moved my wings with greater efforts . I tried to fight my way out of these clouds . These clouds will bring thunderstorm and i know , i cant survive the strong winds of a thunderstorm . I knew i said , the winds are my friends . But these winds of the thunderstorm , they are just "friends in name" . They are also winds but they are not .... But they are not MY winds .
These winds will blow me off course , these winds are like the people who pretend to be friends on the surface but actually , they just wanna blow me further and further away . Yes i know that now . But is it too late to fly back now ?

" You have to open your eyes . Wake up , then fly . " Voices around me said . " Don't lose faith . Don't have second thoughts . Don't be afraid . You know someone will always be there for you . Look , look carefully and decide , and then ... FLY . "
So , I did .

Yesyes i see the question marks forming above your heads and i hear you questioning that weird passage but what i was trying to put across ishh by relating myself as a "bird" , and the "winds" as friends , while the "clouds" are the people who doesn't help you in your life ( because for yours truly , enemy ishh too strong a word ) These clouds blur you , harms you , as with how some people in life will get jealous of you and try to bring you down . But these "clouds" are not as scary as the "thunderstorm winds" , people who pretend to be helping you , but they just deter you and blow you even further off course . Like how fake friends support you in stupid decision and push you nearer to the end .


Actually the things i've blogged about on top wasn't my agenda for my blog post today . It was actually about my senior band journey . With these two girls , i've only 4 more days of band practices left . Then they would step down in a week's times and it would be a full stop to our 5 years journey TOGETHER as a bandsman . It may be hard to believe , but i'm actually fighting back tears as i'm blogging about this . My last batch of seniors before i become the oldest senior in RVCB ...

In band , they always say that you will be closest to your section and particularly the batch before and after you . Proven super accurately be yours truly's personal experience . The only reason why i stayed in senior band and never quit was because of my senior , Sally and Shiqi and eventually it became for my conductor , my batch mates and my future juniors . If people ask me what do i value most in band , the music or my band mates . I would , without hesitation , say that it's for the latter . If not for them , i would never have enjoyed playing and feeling for the music so much .

I wouldn't have such a great time at the back . Doing stupid moves to the music being played , entertaining my section mates , now that i think about it , the times passed was fast , the moments a blur , but i know , that i had fun . And this , ishh making my eyes tear agains . We are so afraid of losing . No not the silly title of SYF , but losing the faith and confidence our seniors have in us , losing the evidence that all these practices we have had was worth it . We are so afraid of forgetting , being forgotten . I don't ever wanna forget these great times that we've had .


Being a percussionist ishh always different . We dont tune ourselves the way other sections do . We hear for each other but we listen out for different things . And another special things ? We always get to train for muscles , especially when it comes to practicing in different venues . The only fear i have during performance ishh that i cant get my heart to stop beating wildly after the hectic rush of setting up the instruments and i need time to adjust before i cans get myself into the music ... But i guess i got used to the crazy moving around (achievement unlocked) . I dunno since when , but i've came to love the moving the instruments though it exhaust me most of the times . LOL . And yes i will still never stop complaining about it :)

I love the people i met in band . Other seniors who heard of " Teh Ah " judges her . But i feel loved and protected (SOMEHOW. LOL) by my own seniors . I feel taken care of by them ( even if they DO gossip about me. LOL too interesting le i am :p ) Their acceptance of me , the faith and trust they have in me , the way they would look for me ... I know i'm gonna miss them . .... Suddenly wonder if my juniors will also one day , feel the same way about me like this . LOL . But as i think about my juniors , i finally understand what the adults mean .

Adults told me , that no matter how old you grow , no matter how much you've grown up / mature , your parents will still forever see you as a child . Not in the you're still childish way . But more of the you're-my-child-so-i-will-ALWAYS-protect-you-and-love-you way . And that basically sums up how i feel about my juniors . LOL . Yes i've seen their growth , their changes , but in my heart , they will always be my little chicks , my treasured little babies . LOL *Mother-hen-Teh mood kicks in* Omg i just have to spoil the atmosphere ! Hahaha . Damn the sudden reminiscences of the times in Taiwan with my extra special four little chicks .... Yeah i'll definitely miss taking care of them ... :(


Maybe these words wouldn't bring tears to your eyes , because i'm unable to pen down the memories , the scenes that are now flooding through my mind . Maybe you're feeling sad now , because these words bring another memory to your head , your own story that moved you . It's never the people who make you cry , but the memories you have with that person , the things you have been through together . I think i'm more sentimental than i appear to be . I actually do cherish everyone around me alot though i dont have as much time as i want to , to be able to do something for them all the time .

I have no more words . No more idea on how to drag time , pause time , stop time , rewind time , get more time ... But i hope that if my seniors , the batch before me , and the batch before before me , and the batch before before me , ever see this , yall all graduate before me , but i really really hope that " as we go on ... we'll remember .... all the times we .... have together.... and as our lives change , come whatever , we will still be , percussions foreverrrr " I've lost count on how many times i've blogged about band , about my guiltiness of being a not-skillful SL ( and not doing anything about it still omg ) , about my attachment to my section ... Well , last SYF this friday , 03 May 2013 . LEGGO !


To the top





Dont usually blog on school days but decided to all the same . Forgoing sleep . ... Actually opportunity cost too high le . LOL anyways , speaking of schools , the thing i hate most about JC is that we dont have a classroom of our own . :( Really lost the sense of belonging when you have to go from venues to venues instead of just staying in your class for lessons :( Although i love walking , it's not fun always walking in the same area and usually i'm too lazy in school to even move my sorry ass from the canteen to say , my year 4 classroom . And my love for food ishh no motivation especially since now i always pack food to school .
( P.S. if you dont know RV school layout , year four block nearest to canteen amongst the levels le ) :X

Speaking of school life , yours truly have been eating non-stop . LOL . No joke . I'm serious ! I'm not those kind of girls who lives in constant self-denial . Like when they apparently go home mug like siao then to say to their friends , "i never mug la" so that they cans have an advantage over their friends or to not have the mugger image . Nor am i like , "omg i eat too much" when in actual fact this person hardly eats because she ishh so conscious of her appearance . Oh im not talking about anyone in general but i've been blog-walking and seen well ... the Gen Y social norm :( Anyways , back to my eating habits . Here goes a normal day :


( was gonna have a graphical approach for this but i realize i dont have the leisure of time . sigh . ) Anyways , before i leave house , i will have half an apple , then when i reach school , i will either eat
1) chicken porridge with egg if i'm early or ;
2) fried rice when i'm really hungry or ;
3) egg muffin meal from mac if i'm feeling rich or just ;
4) the breakfast set with the teh tarik , toast bread and eggs

Then after i enjoyed my heavy breakfast in the canteen i will eat the breakfast i brought from home in the first period be it lecture or tutorial . Then the second period i will either kop snacks that my friend brought or i will eat my own snacks that i happen to bring . Then recess . I eat . After recess , i rest my tummy awhile then eat during lunch agains . Then eat sweets during lectures and tutorial . Then after school if i'm still hungry ... i will eat la ! And i'm constantly hungry . Idk . I can't decide whether i'm bored or i'm just hungry . LOL .And i think with the amount of walking from lessons to lessons , i manage to burn the calories and stay ABOUT the same size .



But if i continue eating like this ... CONFIRM WILL FAT DE D: and i havent even said what happen to dinner .... Okays enough about food . Back to school life . I feel like i still havent adjust yet and i better adjust soon or else ... But personally i prefer tutorial cause the class size ishh smaller . Cans feel closer to people and my ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) cans be more in check cause the places i cans walk around in ishh not very big ... LOL . Which gets irritating after i cant sit still for long . GOSH im so contradicting . Ishh it even possible to be lazy while having ADHD at the same time ? The former ishh like , i cant be bother to move while the latter ishh like , if i dont move , i will die !! LOL !

My attention span of a goldfish ishh also preventing me from listening to lectures :(( Yours truly will be listening for the first 20-30 mins then the next half of the lesson i'm either in La-La-Land or checking out my phone D: But i think this two behaviors ishh much better than talking to other people , not only distracting them but also disrupting others from listening in as well , which some inconsiderate girls have been doing in my econs and maths lectures .... Im not against people talking , im just against people talking AND THEN complaining that the teacher went too fast . Speaking of which , i must share this ,
Kaiwen : "Terence why you so smart , do so fast?!"
Terence : "Cause i dont spend my time bitching about the teacher"
HA IN YOUR FACE (this quote forever reminding me of Edwin LOL) you self-centered people at the back who makes alot of noise . We've come into an agreement that you cans make alot of noise about the teacher if you are half as smart as Terence !



Okays , another part of school ishh PE right ? So NAPFA was just over last week (yes body has been aching ever since) and the stations that i never have problems with suddenly becomes a problem this year . No wonder they say for girls our prime age ishh 14-16 . :( ... Have i known that i wouldve force myself to grow taller too ! :( But running has improved by a great deal and was faster than what i expected myself to be ! P: And i realize running takes a lot of perseverance ... Many a times , we're thinking that we can't run anymore but in actual fact it's just that we THINK we can't run anymore and wanna rest le . The key lies in ... Dont stop .

I've always told my juniors this when we're having PT . " Dont stop . Once you stop , it's harder for you to start and continue agains . " And it's true according to the mountain-climbing analogy . Once a mountain climber stop to rest , he or she will find it harder to start and go agains . I think it's cause your body ishh not that warmed up anymore and your muscles get sore blahblahblah but it also lies in the mentality i think . I always tell myself " Okays I have been running three rounds non-stop . Since I cans run three rounds non-stop , three more runs ishh not going to be a problem ! " How cans I tell myself that if I stop right ? :x And when you stop and lag behind by your friends too much , the gap would be demoralizing ... It will be hard to keep on pushing yourself and running ....


To the top





Oh my . First post in 2013 . Theres so much that happened from the last time i posted . Oh and regarding the photo , i named my username : "Lol" thats why there's the "Welcome Back , Lol" ... LOL. I dont understand how come i still have views though i never update ... Anyways , why did i decide to update all of a sudden you may ask ? Firstly , I've been seeing other people blogging and I was suddenly inspired . LOL . Secondly , yours truly have been putting off blogging due to her busy schedule and too many happenings , then she suddenly realize if she dont post soon , she will miss out on alot of highlights , happenings etc. Thirdly , I've been thinking agains , reflecting and stuffs . Had a hard decision what to turn this post into . Cause normally when i blog it will either be about : events / people / reflections . So .... A quick summary of each this time alrighty ? :)

Events ... there were a few events that i wanted to blog about ... But now when i think back about it ... I COULDNT REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE ME WANA BLOG ABOUT THAT EVENT D: Anyways , crap aside , this was some highlights of the past months that i remembered :

And THIS ishh What I Did :

1) Standard Charted Marathon CIP
2) My first and one and only job: some serve buffet thing at some Dance and Dinner events
3) Singapore General Hospital Attachment - might do this agains this year P:
4) "Renovating" house
5) Meeting "Friend" - i remember i had this eureka moment after meeting him but now when i try hard to think about it , it's blurred with the other meetings with him
6) Year 5 Orientation
7) Birthday Celebration with Th5
8) Birthday Celebration with Lai and Gong
9) Bai-Nian with 4J'12
10) (Attempts to take part in) YMCA - Youth for a Cause with Th5
11) Piano Exam (Grade ... hahaha no i wont tell you) :P
12) The first-ever RVMun
13) Sleep-over at cousin's house

Decided to put 13 highlights because it's twenty-13 and my new register ishh number 13 . LOL Anyways , had really wanted to mention the hanging out with friends too . New friends , and old friends . Made it a point to at least go out and catch up with at least two friends a week after school so that i wont lose touch with the important people of my live :) I wish they knew how much they meant to me and i wish i meant as much to them .... OMG i feel like i've always been saying this whenever i talk about friendship ... Maybe i should add a theory this time for something new ? P:



If my life ishh a laptop , my friends , will be the alphabets of the keyboard , which i will call , "the keys" , making up the words that will be on the screen and i , will be the mouse . My mum , will be the space bar and tell me when to pause , when to take a break , reminding me of my limits before i move on the something else . My dad , will probably be "enter" , giving me the permission of what to do and what i cannot do . My teachers , will be the control buttons , the f-numbers , with all the special commands and shortcuts to the special functions i never thought i could use . But the keys . The keys are so important .

The keys , form the words of the documents I'm typing , they help me write the story . The keys , form the words of the information that i'm searching , the entertainment or information that i want to find , they help me learn new things , they help me find things that will make me laugh . The keys , they are what makes the laptop . Can you imagine having a keyboard without the keys ? Or having an Ipad or phone or computer that can't type any words . So what if i have an "enter" when i cant even type in a command in ? So what if i have a "space-bar" when there ishh no need for spaces ? So if my life ishh a laptop , the screen will play the events of my life , but nothing will happen , without the keys .

It's fine if you dont understand this weird theory that yours truly just tried to make up . LOL but anyways , i've decided that people no like blogs without photos to stalk so maybe i shall just post photos here that i never post on facebook or twitter . P: WHICH ARE MY FRIEND'S UNGLAM WHATSAPP PHOTOS !! MUHAHAHHAHA i cans hear the mini heart attack and panic some of them are having now . Yeap ishh all super unglam de . Which ishh why i wont expose it la . LOL . So anyways , i will post photos about this new SUPER important thingy thats in my life now . (currently on my bed) ;p



YEAP thats my very (my vocab ishh very bad and i realize words like 'mega', 'super', 'damn', 'ultra' etc. makes me sound lame so i will justbe mainstream and go with the word 'very' but LOL i'm digressing here LOL) important thingy ! (L) So before i go into talking about it , i guess i would just like to mention the people of my 2013 first then P: Not in order because that would be too hard and i decided to keep the list short so the Top People aka my Special Girls are already mentioned . (Refer to photo at the end of the post) Okays .... now that i think about it , maybe i dont wanna list the people le . Because of .... my pride . I fear that if i tell/announce/confess about how much they mean to me , but i dont mean as much to them .... Then they will take me for granted :/

So then , i decide to venture into the safer side of "people" and i shall talk about teachers . Yours truly ishh never the type who fear teachers . Because of past experience of hanging out in the staff room doing sai kang every single day after school during primary school days (when i last go back, the security at the staff room damn strict now though...) . I think students should always respect teachers . No matter how fail of a teacher they cans be . Teachers shouldn't be feared , because when you fear them , you're actually losing out . And teachers , like us , will always have their own favs , they will also have students whom they are more bias too .

And .... so do i . Remember those days when you're in primary school , and they make you write compositions and there's a 100% chance that you will write this compo before : "My Favourite Teacher" . LOL . I have my fav too . This P1 teacher of mine , who ishh a malay woman and mother of 3 . Who was also later my CCA-Teacher-In-Charge and the one who talk me out of suicidal thoughts when i was 12 . I could still remember , sitting at the piano seat there with her , as she talks to me . About how suicide ishh not the end . About how suicide will cause more problems (like funerals etc. so troublesome) . About how ... About many things . Things that i , at 12 , knows at the back of my head but need someone to remind me , to say it out to me .

And here's my face to prove that despite the very-emo-sounding things that i just said/typed , i'm still very much alive and smiling :) And in case any of yall suspect that it's not me that's writing this . LOL


Then i have other teachers who have made an impact on me in one way or another . If i were to say who inspired me to be a teacher if i ever be one in the future , it will probably be my kindergarten teacher who i still keep in touch now . And my P2 teacher whom after teaching me for a mere 6-months , transferred , but whom made an impact on me . And my P5 teacher , who ishh also my primary school's discipline master . LOL Who i still remember , kept a prison chair for naughty boys . Whose fiery temper ishh forgiven for his hilarious and one-of-a-kind humor . I remember , it was in P5 that i made the personal record of laughing for the WHOLE DAY . Non-stop ! (Yeah my secret talent now)

If i were to talk about secondary school , my year 1 form teacher , who tried to solve the class's cliques problems , made an ever-lasting memory . The first teacher whom i've ever made walk out and even brag about afterwards . That , i regret . My first two years of secondary school , i practically slept through . And if i'm not sleeping , i was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend , the love-of-my-life then and sometimes , i still think he ishh . The One . (Please dont stalk my past posts to figure out who it ishh . LOL Last time i write seriously embarrassing stuffs.... LOL) Anyways , he's also the one who gave me the gi-normous teddy (L)

And now , the teachers who make me love studying/learning and basically make my day : Mr Chng , Mr Xiong , Mr Tan (陈泽雄) , Ms June Tan , Ms Charmaine Lim , Ms Katsuri , Mrs Phua , Ms Lee Wan Ling , Mr Tan Boon Jong , Mr Tan Ching , Mr Mezz , and my brain got stuck here . LOL . Really grateful to them , for not giving up on me despite my embarrassing and lousy performance in grades and school-related thingys . Actually i really love studying and learning . But no i'm not a mugger . And examinations and grading are such a turn-off especially in Singapore ... Would love to blog more but i realize this post already look lengthy enough . Till next time then . P: (I wonder too how long till then would that be) But anyways , next blog post will most probably about 1) Adapting to JC life, 2) Band, 3) The little hangings and happenings with friends :D

EXTRA ADD-IN

OOOGGAAYS so i decided to add something more . LOL . Helped out at PTM yesterday . Didn't intend to de actually . But was very glad i did in de end . Because i not only did i get a history lecture , i also got chemistry consultant and maths consultant ! (Y)(Y)(Y) and well , i didn't planned for it to happen so soon but my new form and some teachers already know about my family problems . I would rather they dont know actually . Though i enjoy the extra attention , sometimes it makes me wonder whether it's because they really like me cause i'm a good student or because they pity me ... Lawls . But teachers always have this way of saying phrases and quotes that made me feel like they would understand if i tell them . But man , i'm not gonna fall for that agains .

It's not that they are useless in giving advice or what not , but it just gives me alot of false hopes . Each time a teacher tries to help agains , each time i get disappointed . Though i dont mind letting go of whats on my mind . :) Anyways , went to PTM feeling very grouchy for having to wake up early . Then i went to our homeroom , was gonna do my homework which i brought but i somehow ended up packing the room . LOL . Hope my classmates get a nice surprise on Monday P: Was quite motivated to do a birthday chart too . But gahh . I realize i've no time . :( Then an hour later my form teachers came in . And i realize i was better at conversing with them better than they with each other . LOL . Talk about very different personalities .

But my favorite teacher to talk to of the day , ishh probably my chem teacher , Mr Tan . I really prefer teachers who be themselves when they talk to you . Instead of censoring their words or treating the students like little kids :( And my dad forced me to meet the teachers with him (which ishh how my teachers found out the other side of me .... ) I dont like people seeing that side of me :( The me whose smile disappear too fast and the cheekiness no longer in my voice . But helping out at PTM really jolt alot of memories which i thought i've forgotten . Which also explains the long post about teachers today LOL .


To the top