Pull me back , but dont Drag Me Down
Wednesday, August 28, 2013 | 6:55 PM
Because the me right now , is so close to tears .
I just changed my blog skin the other day and I just realized that the last time I blogged , was actually about three months ago ...So ...Just a short summary (of what had been going on in de past few months) before I get writer’s block and get all clogged up with emotions and became unable to write on .
1. Common Test had ended with major shocks. I know I din study hard enough but I didn’t expect myself to do that badly so ... Have to work much harder now. (Warning! Stress Level: Exceeding Expectations)
2. I changed my spectacles, because I wore the previous one for two years already I think. And it already lost its novelty.
3. I got into the NDP CIP that I mentioned in my previous post. Met the best people I’ve yet to meet (with my biases (a word I learnt from Kaiwen which also mean favourite but fav sounds too mainstream now so hear hear!) featured at the photo at the top) Hanging out with them during each NDP session makes me forget about my troubles, stress, worries and fears from life. I really felt myself enjoying and living in those moments we spent together. I truly madly deeply miss them a lot so I will definitely catch up with them IMMEDIATELY after all my tests are over. They are people whom I really wanna keep in my life. I think I will dedicate a blog post to them specially next time! But till then, if they are reading this, please know that I will never forget about yall and still hold yall close to my heart although it felt so long since we last meet! ):
4. I did a photo shot with Shirley de other day in fort canning so if you are curious about the "profile photo" at the Introduction section on the left, yes that is yours truly! Le personal pride and joy! My hair presented in such a pretty way! Not the best but good enough! :’) So thankful for the beautiful girl who managed to capture another side of me in her camera! Those memories are forever etched in my mind. LOL even the creepy ending. (Fort Canning feels eerie when you stay there for long… and even more so when there’s very little people)
5. Had class BBQ at Amy’s condo. Although I always leave before I get to eat anything (pardon me and my curfew) I remembered very clearly we had this mega (using ‘mega’ because my vocabulary is as deep as
6. The So-Call Clique (Outings) – I want to dedicate a post to them about this so I will not elaborate further but from what I remember now, I had an unforgettable time with them in town on two occasions. #ExplosionsOfLove
7. Had our very first 5F class outing which (censor) (censor) and consist of trying out clothes and trying to be funny (which we easily succeed in of course) And because of that faithful day, we became experts in fashion coordination, though of course it is entirely subjected to personal interpretation of fashion (though now yours truly prefer to go for comfort instead of over-dressing ... am I getting old...?)
I’ve been getting more closer (it’s not wrong grammar, it is intended and to emphasize on the increasing amount tyvm) to my “friend”. And to my beloved readers out there (who I am wary that one of you might actually be my teacher… okays I change my mind. Maybe not one but a few of you out there may be teachers/readers whom I might not be that comfortable with sharing personal information with… I guess many are surprised that I actually keep this in mind as I blog, because I know tons of people who blog, not realizing that one of their readers might be someone who is stalking them because of God knows what reasons, and started saying all the stupid stuff that may one day be used against them. So as I try to phrase nicely what I want to say, and practice positive self-censorship and at the same time, giving as accurate information/opinions/feelings as possible, ... I confess that I am not as trusting of/open to the world as before. P.S. I have never typed superficial stuff, or at least I have never according to my conscious knowledge ... which is known for its denial tendencies. ... Not something that I'm particularly proud of.)
But anyways, to those who doesn’t know what I meant when I type friend with inverted commas, well his name is not ‘Friend’ but I’m very sensitive about his name and I feel like it’s too private a thing to disclose so I’m just gonna keep it mysterious. Phew. Eggciting isn’t it? So maybe even he don’t know that I am actually referring to him! ... Though my close friends do know who he is. Anyways, if I were to die now, I would have no regrets because I’ve met him (and also once had him) in my life. There’s just too much to say about how much I treasure him and how I feel about him so I’ll just describe it this way: Everyone has that special someone in their life. And for me, it’s him. Yeap i guess that pretty much sums it up. Anyways, recently I feel like things has changed between us. Positively of course. ^^ And I feel like I know him better than I had for the past 2 and a half years. (I know him for 5 years le btw!) So … I actually feel the happiest about “this” department above all things :P Though I still don’t know what we are now and where I stand but as I grow older (okays technically I din grow…) As I become older, the things that matter to me seems to be changing ...
P.S. the various departments I’m referring to is: study department, friends department, love department, family department, character department etc.
Okays the reason why I chose to blog today of all days despite my tight schedule of revision and PW deadlines and revision and revision (what do you mean I said that already) and all that crap coming up, is that I needed to find an outlet for what I’ve been going through. Was already on the verge of breaking down from promo that I’ve been emotionally unstable (since last week I think) I deeply apologize to the people I’ve been hanging out with, Kaiwen, Brangelina, WaiHong, Shirley and Janice, if I’ve been suddenly moody/emotional about random small things because I’m so damn stress. And at home ... I don’t even wanna go to into that topic.
I will ride through this crazy ride. I will be me again. But for now, please ride with me. Don’t give up on me. I’ve nothing to hold onto anymore on this crazy ride. But I will ride through as always, I will.
Today’s ride was especially bumpy and I needed emotional support so badly I went to talk to two people specifically (individually). Thank you Amy and Isabelle. (And my ”Friend” too, for listening to my rants last night) I was so pent up about everything and I had no adult to go to (my mum actually told me not to rely on her this morning… I cant even express how disappointed I am in her… and my dad…. LOL Forget about it) I’m better now but … The most exciting thing about life is that we will never know what the next moment will bring, let alone the next day. Toddles.
Because we have all these people pulling us down ,
Telling you that so what if you tried .
So what if you put in your hundred percent ?
They are not looking for your best , just be better than the rest .
They tell you all these places you should go , all these things you should know ,
Tell you all these things that you should see , think , and wonder
But they don’t tell you the way and instead ,
They throw you different boulders to cross , they let you walk all the wrong paths ,
This is how you learn they say .
You are too weak in this society they say ,
Too easy to break down ,
Im trying to make you stronger , make your will tougher ,
They say .
But they did not say , they didn’t let us know ,
That what didn’t kill you ,
Make you wish it did .
We found it out the hard way .
Because I’m tired of all the people trying to pull us down
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