You know my name , not my story (:
Tuesday, September 27, 2011 | 4:58 PM
3 days study break before the start of Eoys . Very stress just thinking about school . Dont really wanna talk about it . :/ Here comes one of those times when i say that sometimes i dont have any feelings or emotions . I'm not in a good mood , or a bad mood . I just sit there , by myself , and think . I overthink sometimes . I think about what has happened , what will happen , and what could have happened . I think about you , i think about what's wrong with my life , i think about how am i gonna get better , i think about how and why i got here in the first place . I think about anything and everything .
Kays , shall stop being GL and blog properly . :) Mugged with Yinyee this morning , she met me upon my special request . Helped me alot and gave me tons of confidence . But i have people telling me , " aiyo so easy de , how come you dunno ? " So sick of people like this who always put me down . Then I have my parents telling me that I don’t know what I’m doing , that I’m gonna screw up and they know it . And some others telling me “ aiya you so smart de cans de la , why you so mugger ? Don’t mug la . ” then they themselves mug more than me and get better results than me . ._. Couldn't be bothered to label this kind of people . And i din mention any names either , so please , dont feel bad . :)
Anyways , i'm glad i've Yinyee to help me this morning . giving me much-needed guidance and support . (L) still very stress and all , but at least now i cans breath abit more smoothly . (Y) andand i'm really glad i've someone who really cares about me , telling me to rest when i should and finding ways to give me support and help me and being understanding and patience with me . thanks sweetest . ♥ I'm so stress , that every time i comb through my hair with my fingers , two or more strands of hair fell out . And i just couldn't kick de bad habit of touching my hair . argh . going bald soon . saw this cute quote just now " if you're stressed , you'll get pimples . if you cry , you'll get wrinkles . so just smile and get dimples . " ♥
Things flying randomly through my mind : One day i will learn ballet . Okays that was random . Argh . An apparent result of over stress . Recently my brother worrying about this performance thingy . Apparently his class have this assignment to perform . And you cans chose to sing , dance or play an instrument . So he chosed to sing ( neither one ishh easy anyways ) and was like having difficulties finding an appropriate song and he began like belting out songs at home , occasionally being off-tune or sometimes singing the wrong lyrics . Being the awesome sister that i am , i tried helping him . .... And apparently failed . LOL . But at least it takes my mind off things for a while . :D Oh how i love having a sibling such as my brother ♥ .
Speaking of hallelujah for siblings , boy was i glad i have friends . :D Yesterday went school with Amy (L) , ( WOOTS A FRIEND ! ♥ )then apparently we went to the Big steps there , " a hot spot in RVHS to have " a cup of tea " with teachers and to mug in a less stress atmosphere compared to the dead silent school library " , and there de tables were like all booked but then we found Shijing (Y) And inside i was like " thank god i have friends :D " *silent tears of gratefulness* This morning too , was going to school alone , and went to the same place . But all tables are again , all taken . T.T Then I found Chenxi (L) . And my heart goes like “ I’m so glad I have friends ! :D ” ... The world ishh so sad if you have no friends . Correction . The world ishh so sad if you have no TRUE friends . :x And here goes me missing my childhood friends . :/
Things flying randomly through my mind : " 要死不死 " . Want die no die . Was doing this scs as i mentioned earlier . ... i did mention right ? :x then we were talking about British healthcare system decades ago , about how the government wants to ensure that the poor are adequately taken care of thus they help to pay everyone's medical-related-stuffs . Initially it was a success , everyone become healthy (Y) . but after a while , people start to abuse the system and those who really needed the treatment , those gonna die but cannot die , need urgent treatment de ended up dying the hard way cause they couldn't receive proper treatment in time . thanks to the other people who dont need treatment but went for treatment anyways ( cause bu nan bai bu nan ) . :x
Such a long post filled with words . :x Dont even know who bothers to read . LOL . idk why but i like to see my posts filled with words . Maybe cause like got sincerity in blogging ? Or maybe cause i just love seeing how much i cans crap .... Love writing chunks of words irl too . Yinyee was like reading my physics notes this morning and said i've a talent in doing notes . (Y) neat and pretty handwriting , and easy to understand . *gloating* ... LOL . easy to understand .... like ... " A dummy's guide to the world of physics " :X
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a little intelligence goes a long way ,
Friday, September 23, 2011 | 9:44 PM
Hard core mugger max . :D ... fine i admit it . that was like quite a long ago photo . Cause we've all changed seats and yours truly dont sit there anymore . But still window seat . LOL . My whole 3 years of RV life like all tio window seat de sia . Doesn't stop me from talking to anyone anywhere anyways . :D .. anything . ( said that just to have one more word with 'any' in it . anyhow one la . hahaha anytime at your service . ) :D
DAMN . was suppose to be studying . But wasting yet another night on the web . Knew i shouldn't have blogged yesterday . Reignited my passion for blogging and now i will itch if i dont update . :/ So , today during chi , teacher wanted us to talk about memories . ANY memories . And i was like omg damn yet another topic that would mess me up . Literally . There's just .... too many things ! 15 years of memories ... :x And it's just very hard to tu ran xiang qi lai everything .
And my teacher was like nurturing my passion to share my story and craps in class . Was sharing about this memory i had when i was in kindergarten . Something about during a fire drill and i was bathing halfway and the teacher made me go to this void deck a block away wrapped in nothing but towels . T.T then I was talking about some old pervert uncles when I suddenly realise Mr chng was outside listening . Fml . :/ Paiseyy max . Another scar for life . T.T
Speaking of memories , there’s this new guy in my “ special-people-whom-i-must-remember-album ” ( which ishh created in my head hor . :x ) ... de other day , I was lying beside him , kinda tipsy truth be told . ( I din consume alcohol la . tipsy like ... You know ... Those “ on cloud nine ” feeling when you’re really happy ) And i shall forever imprint it my head , songs playing in de background , you mouthing lyrics to me , your face inches away , so close i could kissed your lips and with our eyes locked .... had these incredible invincible feeling like nothing could come in-between us .... What more could i ask for . :D
Oh , caught "Johnny English Reborn" today with him (L) , love it when i cans lie on his shoulder and hug his arms in de cinema during de show . hmmm ... Recalled i went to catch "Crazy Stupid Love" with Isabelle and Chenxi around 2 weeks ago , and i was like aching to lie on someone's shoulder . :x But chenxi was like busy trying not to fall asleep and isabelle was like trying to stuff popcorns into my face . Yes face . Not mouth . But in de end i finished like almost the whole box of popcorns . :x
Both shows were not bad . :D trying to catch "I Dont Know How She Does It" but dunno if i will have de time . Worrying about the stupid dance more than eoys now . :/ Kays . Shall not waste too much times here . Oh ... before i end off , maybe i should probably record this convo that i find super funny that i might wanna rmb for life . :x ... Seriously , that guy has no dignity ! LOL !
Chester : Cans lend me eraser ?
Me : Cans you eat my shit ? Same ans . :)
C : Ok ! * take eraser *
Me : .... * take back eraser *
C : EH ! i want eat your shit !
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A Chronology of Thoughts
Thursday, September 22, 2011 | 9:56 PM
Yours truly has been too busy falling in love to blog . :/ sorrysorry i neglected you . ... Kidding la . Well , truth ishh , i was ... mugging ! really ! :D LOL . Been more than a month since i last posted . This would probably be my only post in the month of September . A lot of upcoming things happening one after another . :/ After exams will have this stupid dance aesthetics showcase . Really dun wanna throw my face cause of that dance . :/ already no reputation alr . No ideas for costume and cheography . GGWP . :) Definitely gonna be the worst out of all the classes . Years 4 gonna come down watch . FML .
After that , cca resuming right after eoy . My biggest worry after eoy . Upcoming concert in Nov , “World of Singapore" concert . Stress max . So long never practise ler , have to memorise scores some more . then need combine with Yuhua Concert Band for the practises , what I fear most after seniors step down coming ler . argh . cant even imagine next year new batch coming in what am I gonna do . :/ maybe shall call Eugene agains and talk to him soon . There . that’s all the rants I’m gonna say for this month . … I think . :P
During language arts de other day , teacher was talking about vicious cycle . One of them being the poor unable to get education then as they are uneducated , they cant get a proper job and thus , got poorer and poorer , and the more poor they are , the more they couldn’t afford education . And there we have , an unbreakable cycle . And as always , guailan me just have to make a joke out of it and I was telling amy , got this man , he worry about having white hair . and the more he worry , the more white hair he has and the more white hair he have , the more he worry ! and there we have a vicious cycle ! :D !
Jokes aside , I was just thinking of a personal vicious cycle . Make that cycles . The first cycle that I still couldn’t seem to remove myself from , ishh how I would be nice , get sick of it , and end up hurting people . That was so vague you’re probably gonna misunderstand me right now . :/ I’ve always been nice , always trying to see the best in everyone ( no I’m not self-praising cause that’s what I really do , makes me happier anyways ) but sometimes , people get attached to me or I get to attach to someone .
For case 1 , i’ll keep taking care of that person , let him / her be dependant on me , sometimes taking their pain covered with mine while not being able to do anything about it . But after some time , ( it depends . there was a few scenarios where it took a span of years , while some was months ) I get so tired being nice that I could feel myself not caring at all eventually . Then I feel so myself being so heartless I feel horrible but when I try to be nice agains I felt fake . Then after a while , I just break myself off . But … I’ll always go back . And everything starts all over agains . :/ Horrible me .
Having another negative vicious cycle on my mind but I guess this ishh tragic enough . No more of peeling my own skin . Just a figure of speech . :x There are positive vicious circle of cause . None that I could think of currently . Anyways , been trying to juggle going out with friends and him recently . LOL . and here goes another vicious cycle . ( Seriously , I should probably stop “cycling” already . such . a chore . :x ) Getting into a relationship always makes me neglect a lot of things . But already improving compared to last time . P:
Shall touch about bits and pieces of everything recently . But more about school since I’m should technically be in a mugging mood / be mugging . Hmmm … okies I give up . :x Oh . there was this other day , I went out with Christalle to Vivo , and we were enjoying our little dessert at Awfully Chocolate when we met this Singaporean who live in de States but is back in the country on a holiday . And she started having a chat with us about the difference at here and in the States .
Apparently , it is true that here , the attitudes are different , we are in a way , less bold , … conservative ? She said , that over there , the common attitude they have , like during tests , is for a just pass , and they mature much earlier than Asians . And they will then have more social problems to worry about , underage pregnancy , underage drug dealings etc . Not that we have none , but their percentage ishh way higher . Also , westerns are more outspoken , ( something that I’ve always wanted to be … am I already ? :D ) and are more daring to make mistakes and take that leap of faith .
A totally different life miles and seas away . And here comes a little confession about a little dream : “I’ve always wanted to live in a western country . See how I’ll turn out , how I might cope . How I’ll change . ” Speaking of living a totally different life , i've been having an out-of-this-world experience being with the guy whom felt like the soul mate of my life . Damn . Suddenly lost for words . It's just ... So very personal and emotional . :x
Oh and i owe Amy this . She said i have to mention her or sth . So here i am mentioning her . Amy . ♥ ( shall share your hobo face HAHAHHAHA loveyou too :D )
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