Meeting midway ,
Saturday, June 20, 2015 | 3:20 PM
Excuse me NLB while I borrow your book to take a photo. #PunIntended (confession: yours truly had to google the usage of borrow and lend before starting the post. So much for the 19 years of education. I wonder if university can even save me LOL)
Anyways the book is entitled “Tapestry of Care” in case the title got covered by the NLB tag (as always but it’s okay since I get to read it at zero cost, NLB you are forgiven). The book comprises of local stories shared by Medical Social Workers (MSW) working in Singapore with the following chapters (with each sounding more depressing than the next): Abandonment, Abuse, Awaiting Death, Grief, Hope, Suicide and All in a Day’s Work, summarizing what the Social Workers face each day.
I like that the book is written in simple and comprehensive English and that each story is accompanied by various explanations of terms and context, such as the various medical implications of illness and diseases, the complex laws that affects the consequences of our choices, the common issues faced by these victims that people usually does not know about. Reading about the plight of others made me feel that while what I’m going through is difficult and complicated, what I’m going through is definitely not the worst. /inserts meaningful reflection about cherishing and being grateful for what one has/
One thing that struck me though, was that I never knew the extent of resourcefulness that MSW have to be, finding funding and accommodations, writing appeal letters to MPs and various institutions to get the necessary help for their patients. I feel that it’s something that I’m terrible at after my experience with looking for jobs and financial aid for university (and also a terrible planner when it comes to making life’s Plan B, C, D etc.)
But somehow I turn into a planner when it comes to outings with friends. LOL But then again, I was a “trained” planner for outings thanks to my dad who MUST know the timings and location of where I will be. And due to my limited chances of going out, I always try to optimize the time and explore, experience and enjoy (that sounded cheesy LOL). So I mostly have to plan in advance (better to inform and get permission from my dad also) rather than act spontaneously (usually it happens when I found out that he will be overseas or busy somewhere for a definite time i.e. SEA Games Opening Ceremony). So... I guess I just lack motivation and drive when I don’t bother to plan or be resourceful.
Plan A has always been to study Psychology for me. They say that people who are driven to study Psychology usually has some personal questions that they seek answers to. While I was first offended when I heard it being said to me, I guess I was offended because it was true (elaborations will not be found in this particular post) and hit somewhere within me which I felt like I have to defend and:
I vaguely remember other plans include studying Sociology, being a Teacher, MSW and if all fails, sign on the Navy (oh but I can’t swim. LOL terrible planner strikes again). After reading the book, I felt a stronger sense to be a MSW than a Counsellor as it seems like I can do and give much more to people and MSW seems to be more well-received and needed than Counsellor (somehow there’s a stigma with having to go for counsellor. Though yours truly is an exception because I thoroughly enjoy going to the counsellor and having someone to listen to me thrash it out and giving me (false) hopes that things can be resolved).
At the end of the book, the author dedicated 5 pages to “Training Pathway to Becoming a Social Worker in Singapore”, listing 4 options:
1. NUS Bachelor of Arts (Social Work)/ Graduate Diploma in Social Work
2. Monash University BA/BSW Programme
3. SIM University – Bachelor of Social Work and Master of Social Work
4. Foreign Social Work Degree Programmes
Well, Option 1 is out for me because yours truly is rejected by NUS (I did a very unwise decision of applying only for FASS but then again, I really have no idea what else to put as I am only keen on social sciences). I realize this is the first time I’ve touched on the subject about which University I will be going on Social Network (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Blog). Though I was close to talking about it after receiving a related question on my Askfm.
For those who don’t know what’s Askfm (Sorry Askfm you are not as popz as you think), basically it’s a site where people are allowed to ask questions anonymously about anything and everything to the user. It is the source of interesting gossips and rumors where people pry about sensitive relationships and friendship issues etc. casually.
For a period of time, I played with the idea of creating an account as I’m curious what kind of questions will people ask me. But it’s obviously a dumb idea cause it’s like asking to be slapped in the face. It’s especially unhealthy for vulnerable and widely-misunderstood people like me who tend to care too much and usually take even the tiniest of things to heart.
Then came a day when I was dying of boredom. Literally. So I decided to create Askfm. And I approached it with an attitude which I believe is very different from everybody else. Since the anonymous can ask GL questions (I bet every girl’s askfm has a “are you a virgin” question, like a virgin is suddenly the most important thing to be declared on social network. All Hail Queen Elizabeth I! And if you answer yes, then oh ok boring. And if you answer no, then suddenly you’re a slut. Either way, it’s meaningless), then I should meet them at their level with GL replies. And somehow it turned out to be pretty fun and entertaining for me (cause I really think I funny LOL).
While I don’t remain entirely anonymous like the people who ask me questions on askfm, I “protect” myself by half-being a fictional character that I made up (Aunteh) and half-being myself (naturally funny and GL is yours truly). I guess it’s fairer as they get to hide behind and be protected by the mask of anonymity. But I hope that while finding an outlet for my boredom, I didn’t offend anyone with my GLness and stupidity. LOL.
And I think the learning style in SMU will suit me better. NUS and NTU follows very traditional local Uni teaching style and I sucked as a JC student so I know the usual lecture and tutorial style is gonna be a struggle for me. Like how I really enjoyed the interview for my SMU admission (I’m sure I’ve mentioned it previously), I guess I’ll definitely look forward to engaging lessons that are going to be like this with people exchanging ideas and perspectives on various issues in class and stimulates my brain (though with its limited capacity), allowing me to see things from different point of view.
They told me it’s gonna be challenging and competitive in SMU but seriously, everywhere else in Singapore is also highly-competitive (the bell curve in NTU will murder me). Nevertheless, while I still don’t feel quite ready, I hope that by stepping out of my comfort zone, I will be ready to survive the merciless adult society within the next decade. There’s politics everywhere man...
A few months back I was seeking advice from a RV teacher on how to deal with office politics and I whined about how envious I am of her lack of office politics in the school environment. But she told me that no working environment, irregardless of the nature of the work, is spared of politics. It’s scary. Growing up is. But I’m glad for my current experience to grow and learn so that I’m better able to handle these politics and much more prepared to fall and to stand up than I was 6 months ago.
Labels: Books, Life, Theory, Work
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The Joy Within .
Sunday, June 7, 2015 | 6:09 PM
Was deciding the title for this post with the other option being “The Happiness Theory” and I suddenly remember a conversation I had with Rio about being happy. She was telling me how she rather have joy than happiness and explaining (or at least tried to because my limited brain capacity prevents me from fully comprehending) to me why they are essentially different.
Shame on me as I can’t remember the essence of the difference but I think one of the differences is that happiness is fleeting and it is more definite, the opposite of sadness. But when you experience joy, you embrace the sadness, hardship, /insert countless negative emotions and situations/, but you recognize them as what they are and don’t let them drag to you down to the pits of gloom. And at the same time, happiness is a subset of joy. ... Next time I should probably wish people Joy rather than Happiness. Though it kinda sounds weird cause it’s not a widely used blessing.
Anyways, maybe I should really have used the other title because I would rather discuss Happiness (easier to define and more related to what I am about to write). For a long time I’ve held onto my belief that true happiness comes from making the people around you happy. There are many things that can make one happy but at the end of the day the thing that matters the most is the happiness that you have given and shared with other people.
Hence I’m quite disappointed in myself recently. I think I’ve been taking the “At this age you’ll meet a lot of temporary people” too seriously and in the wrong direction. It’s like I’ve already decided that this person that I meet will be an acquaintance before they even drift away from me. I believe that’s not the purpose of the quote though, it’s more like a consolation to people that, Hey it’s okay to unexpectedly lose people at this stage in life, don’t take it to heart and let it scar you.
I really shouldn’t deny someone else the chance to ... Gosh I can’t find the word for this ... to experience (?) me. Like, no matter what, I should be giving my 100% to others especially when it haven’t even reach the end. I guess I don’t like the fact that if I don’t, the impression I left behind does not do me justice. I could’ve made the interaction better and more meaningful but my lack of effort and sincerity does not align with my principles and the core of who I am.
At the same time, I think I let go of people too easily recently. Despite being aware that I am drifting away from some, I didn’t really put in the effort to sustain the relationship, no matter how distant or fragile or superficial it seems. Too tired to handle these are terrible excuses to not bother or care. Yes I’m repenting sobs. Needa learn from this and hopefully, grow and mature more.
That said, priority is still the people who really matter.
1 June 2015: “Kai Pun wants to jio you & your logistic committee people to come for our D&D this Thursday 5.30pm! :-))”
Theme of this year’s D&D is Fashion Police vs Fashion Terrorist. OMG I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT WAS MY D&D THEME. LOL Seriously shame on me. LOL. I wouldn’t lie and say that I enjoyed the D&D tremendously but to say that it was no fun isn’t right either. It’s interesting to see what has changed in school and to hang around in that familiar environment (band room is my territory for five years ok!). I’m glad that I went with my comfort people (i.e. people who I can be comfortable and at home with in any situation at any time) because crowds of people at social functions like this gets on my nerves. LOL Sorry to disappoint, I’m not a clubber gal though I might give people that impression.
Anyways throughout the night it was a constant internal battle between being ok with myself and being too self-conscious. I’m glad for the fact that the participants are all younger than me (does being older makes me feel more in control? Maybe? Hmm I should read up on this). There was one girl who was Secondary 1 which really surprised me, SHES DAMN TINY OMG. I don’t even remember being that small. (Well I haven’t really grown since Primary 5 anyways sobs)
Been actively trying to not let my self-esteem be affected by my body-esteem, telling myself that it’s okay to be okay with myself even if I’m not as pretty as other girls (and in some awkward situations, guys look even prettier than me wtf). Self-esteem is determined by what someone is fundamentally rather than how one looks like. It’s intangible and immeasurable which makes it hard to even realize that it’s there or how to deal with it. On the other hand, we can easily compare our physical appearance, shapely body, big dreamy eyes, full lips etc. The society and especially the media have long defined what beauty is and affect our body esteem (and tragically, self-esteem too) from there. It's so easy to let one's self-esteem be dragged down by their body-esteem. Sobs.
Speaking of appearance, I figured out why people who face more hardship tend to look older (and hence wiser). Chanced upon this article the other day which listed down things that we do that make us age without us realizing it. One of which is rubbing our eyes. Apparently it breaks down the collagen and elasticity around the area, causing wrinkles and broken capillaries (do I sound educated or what?). What.
So my take is that people who face more hardship tears more and hence rub their eyes more frequently which result in them appearing to look older. ... Okays find I'm just speaking from personal experience and trying to justify (to myself) who do I look so chao lao. Sobs. Oh. Another source of aging fertilizer is apparently sugar. So I guess my sweet tooth needa take some responsibility, not just my tear glands.
Tip on how to stay joyful and youthful?
Labels: Friends, Life, Memories, Quotes, Theory
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