the look upon your face ,
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 | 11:38 PM
I've always believed that when a girl ishh in love , she'll look prettier than usual . And probably it's because of the vibrant joy and love coming out from her . And everything somehow just seems to be "better than usual" . Hahah . Yesh i think i look very pretty recently , happy ? :P Got back quite alot of papers back this few days . No results that made me exceptionally happy or proud but really glad that i passed all . Now waiting for maths and Scs ( S'pore Comparative Studies . Normal schools call it Social Studies ) de papers back . Let me pass please . Those two are like , the most stressing ones . * cross fingers , cross toes , cross arms , cross knees , cross anywhere possible * P: !
Been out after school agains yesterday . Out to Bugis . P: Supposedly suppose to go to Kallang stadium to support the school softball team being able to make it to the national finals . A first for RV to send the whole school there to support a sports team . And it's still pretty unimaginable personally . Knowing the common RV attitude and thinking about the RV population , whole school go Kallang there together .... *shivers* :x Anyways , the class guys all cheaters . All say what aiya nvms pon la . End up most of them all go together . ._.
Exams over . Suddenly like a lot of project works . :/ Always very reluctant and unmotivated when it comes to doing project work . Especially if ishh doing group work . Lawls . Maybe cause i dont really work well with others in a group ? Cause personally , i like to know what i'm doing , the overall plan , the long run , the final achievement etc. But when it comes to group work , we're talking about having different people working together , different views , different working styles , and sometimes , maybe because of all these differences that i've no control over , i even feel like i've lost control of myself . :( For we have no control over others , how they think , how they feel , what they wanna do . And we cans only change , how we feel towards it .
Had sexuality talk in school during Champs agains today . Seems like a must have for every year . This year focused more on STI and HIV , all the sexually transmitted diseases . Their objective ishh probably to make us more aware of what are the consequences but in a way it seems like they're trying to scare us . :x Like , " Do it ! Muhahahaha , you're screwed ! " O: ! Teacher also highlight the consequences of being engaged in BGR in RV during morning assembly . Lawls . And suddenly starts to get paranoid about being spotted engaging in whatever they deem inappropriate . :/
But compared to before , me recently really feeling much much better ( mentally ) . :x Because when i think about you , suddenly my mouth just go :D . Then i think of how good you look and i couldn't help but feel amazed that i somehow manage to sweep you off your feet . For you could have anyone but you chose me . But after a while i'll start feeling like i'm not good enough for you and tried to distance and detach myself , so that it doesn't matter that much to me . But you start doing all these sweet things that only you cans manage to do and i couldn't reject you at all . :( Haish . I need your hug now .
` But if you plan to make me yours , make that plan of yours a lifetime long .
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another layer ,
Monday, August 15, 2011 | 11:12 PM
Flogged mind recently . Been staring at the blog post for like .... since .... half an hour ago ? Been trying to find a suitable picture to start the post but haish . Recently , it just seems so hard to find sth that i cans relate to . ... AND i especially hates it when i search like this specific theme like maybe 'photography' and a whole bunch of photos of this random person's camwhore appear . ( Esp on Photobucket , where they used to have these really nice photos . :/ ) And then agains , i couldn't seem to find a quote to describe what i'm feeling cause i've never felt like this before . :x ... ( But i know , i'm not the only one who thinks that , ) " things which seems too good to be true , usually aren't true after all . "
*thinking through today* Gahhh . PE was horrible . So apparently they wanted to assess our floorball skills . ... And amazingly i'm brainwashed that it will actually be useful in my life one day in the future . But anyways , i hate the fact that during tests , it's all about what you do at that moment . Who cares if you cans do it even a few seconds before ? As long as you cant do it when you're tested , you're marked down that you cant do it . O: It's like saying i cant spell phenolphthalein during my chem paper ( which happened to be this afternoon ) , ( it's probably the right spelling okays ) , means i cant spell phenolphthalein ? O.O
Anyways , was having dinner just now and hearing how my brother complain about my dad . Cause apparently , in my family , if you make a mistake , like , for example , coming home later than promise , my dad will rmb it FOR LIFE . But if anyone ( in the family ) informs my dad about any events they've to attend , he probably wont even keep it in his mind for more than say , 10 minutes ? And and after he forgot about the day that we have events , my dad will blame us for not informing him in advance and spoilt his " plans " . Do let me include , that it ishh LAST MIN plans that he might have . O: But you see , you cant expect anyone to put their life on hold just to go with you and do what you want . It's just not fair .
And my brother asked : " Why ishh it that he cans remember every mistake but not anything good we've done or facts that we told him ? " And i told him to ans his own question while my mind cramped itself with more questions of its own . Why ishh it that we always remember pain , that we cry ? Why ishh it that no one will laugh at the same joke over and over but we could cry about the same thing from time to time ? Why ishh it that we mind someone's flaws but we dont appreciate their strengths ? Anyways in the end i told my brother : " Cause that's what matters to him ? "
Sweets pei me go piano yesterday . Sembawang . Lawls . Pretty far if i say so myself . Remember myself asking people to pei me go piano before . And normally i'll end up going alone . ( Anyways , if people really go with me , i'll feel really bad for taking up their time . :/ oh and money . the travel fare . Eeeps . ) Yeah it's pretty time-consuming and all . But i realised yesterday that if you really matter to someone , if someone really wanna be with you , time and distance are just insignificant factors that wont change anything . So for the first time in a long time , i feel cherished and wanted . *spam hearts* And it doesn't really matter if you dont know whether you love me or not when you cans already make me feel this way . (L)
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With you so close ,
Saturday, August 13, 2011 | 12:16 AM
And sometimes , we spent all our lives
wanting to be good enough for the one we love , while we din know that in their eyes we already have been perfect .
And sometimes , we spent all our lives
having this desperate need for the return of affection , we became blind to what the other had already done for us .
And sometimes , we spent all our lives
being afraid of how others will judged us , but forgetting that the one who truly cares wont ever judge you .
And sometimes , we spent all our lives
regretting what we said wrong or din say .
And sometimes , we spent all our lives
waiting for the other to take the first step that we eventually missed out on each other .
And me ? I guess i've been spending all my life waiting for you to come along .
Been looking through some of the courses provided by Polys . And some look so interesting i wish i had a chance to take it myself . Like , ' Psychology & Community Services ' , ' Child Psychology & Early Education ' offered by Ngee Ann Poly , and the ' Psychology Studies ' offered by Temasek Poly , ' Interior Design ' and ' Media and Communication ' from S'pore Poly looks interesting too . Yeah i'm like really into psychology studies ( explains all those weird psychological tests i know of doesn't it ) although this ishh probably the first year i know how to spell psychology properly . :P Gahhhh . Lawls . But , i'm like stuck in RV till my A levels , not that it's THAT bad ... I guess .
I've been writing this Chinese compo for practically a whole month . Had to rewrite it for like two times and this being my third time , i'm like stuck at every word . Wondering , what if , i wrote this word , the whole story kana messed up agains and i'll have to rewrite agains ! So turned off . :/ Topic was what characteristics must a student leader have . Somemore champs was like talking about this last month too . So much easier to write it in english . Even with my vast chinese quotes ( which the teacher complain i anyhow use at random . hahahahaha . ) , i cant seem to make this stupid essay flow . T.T Year 1 year 2 , compo was never below 50 out of 70 , now year 3 , want hit 40 also difficult . Screw it . :/
Things that start with P :
And i love how you would talk to others about me . Like , you seems so proud of me . And i always wonder what's on your mind when someone mentioned me . Do you smile inside out and does your heart do somersaults like i do ?
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maybe . maybe not . probably yes ,
Wednesday, August 10, 2011 | 4:23 PM
Been for this CIP that took up 2 whole days . O: Hanging around with Th5 , after what seems like a long time that we could all meet up and be together . ( Anyways , i find it cute ttm (and kinda epic too) that SN will actually faint if she take the MRT . hahahhaa . sadist much . ) Random catching up here and there , though there's nothing much to catch up on . :P Just that i found people who are even more zai than me in searching for eye candies . Hahah . Byl much . Not that i'm any better . :x
But , now , you're here with me , and nobody else matters as much as you do .
Been looking through horoscopes again recently . And i swear it's not a habit i have when i start to like someone . Saw this on Xinying's Fb wall . Forgot which Xinying ler ..... And no i dont have split personality . P: Anyways , it's this Xinying . Many credits . (L)
" NEVER believe in 3 people : Sagittarius, Aries, Pisces. They are the most selfish and mean.
NEVER lose 3 people : Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn. They are the most sincere and true lovers.
NEVER leave 3 people : Virgo, Libra, Scorpio. They can keep secrets, friendship , and they can see your tears.
NEVER reject 3 people : Leo, Gemini, Aquarius . They are true, honest friends. "
I always couldn't believe that i'm a Capricorn . Among all the horoscopes , they are said to be the most hardworking ever . But yours truly waste her days like no tomorrow ( oh the irony ) . LOL . And then they say , " Capricorn is one sign that enjoys working , and when faced with stress , your instincts tell you to work harder , longer and with more focused intensity . " Uh huh , for someone who ran away from band cause she was too stressed about lagging behind ..... that sure doesn't apply for yours truly . Which sure made me suspect whether or not am i a capricorn . :x ( Between you and me , i've always wanted to be an Aquarius or Libra . P: )
And so , i continue reading the article and i came to this part in which it says , " Knees could be your weakest body part, so don't overstrain them " and i was like , omg so true ! Cause the other day , was in the band room which shrink by half a size , credits to the health screening taking the other half of our room , and i was like walk walk walk . THUCK . The string bass's Tail Spike ( otherwise known as Endpin ) that was sticking out poke into my knee . Pain die . :/ And just two days ago , Alicia cut my knee with a penknief leaving a scar 5cm long . O: Shall wear some knee protection thingy from now on uhh .
Ohoh , and i wanted to find the name of that thingy sticking out of the string bass (which we all know by now ishh call the ' Tail Spike or Endpin ' ) and i discover something even more cooler instead . String bass has something call the " F-hole " .... *let you register* LOL right ? I KNOW . :P But apparently , the f-hole has its name cause it is in the figure of the letter "f" . And it's amazing ability ishh that it let the sound come out and also amplify the sound . Ahhhh ... And now you know . :P
Great i sidetracked . :x Hao bah . Quite long ler . Shouldn't self-spam . Anyways , first time tying a bun yesterday . Personally , i think not bad sia . Bimbo much . P: Cans try agains next time .
` And promise me you would walk with me , till the rest of time , ♥
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dont blame love ,
Sunday, August 7, 2011 | 10:25 AM
OH and why that photo ? :P Recently kept talking to that little girl . That little senior . Another one who tried digging things out of me . .... Ishh that a new trend that i dont know of ? :P Digging secrets out of people who look interesting . Hahah . Speaking of secrets , everyone seems to think i've a lot to hide , which i kind of did , but that's the thing about it . I did . It's in past tense . It's of the past . And i said things , did things , things that i never mean , going around doing the same mistakes like a routine . With this guy , then that guy , with this friend , then that friend . And i said this over and over agains till i'm so sick of myself . .... Stupid weather ruin my mood . :(
Anyways , speaking of repeated experience . I rmb , many a times in class , i done so many things that irritate people , and only till AFTER i did it then do i feel bad about it . Like the other day , i was too cheeky and anyhow shot the rubber band on Jiahui's hand . Without meaning to , i hurt her . :/ She got angry of cause , and i apologies . ( i did it on myself afterwards and yeah it's really pain . Eeeps . ) Till now , i could still remember clearly the thing that went through my mind that moment when i apologized to her . " Why do we always hurt people , and then apologies afterwards ? What made us do it in the first place ? " :/
Anyways , it was your birthday yesterday . The first year i know you , we had a big fight days before your birthday , and i never do anything for you . Last year , i was so winded up with my life and my loss of you , i passed by the day in a shadow . This year , tried booking you days and even weeks before , but you were too busy for me . And every time you rejected me , all these time after you hurt my feelings , you said , ily all over agains . What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them ? And now , we cant even be proper friends . Lawls . The other day , my friend asked me about you , and i din know what to say , it felt like you're someone i knew long ago . Someone i made up from my memory . Someone who never really bring out the best in me .
Dont know why am i blogging when i dont really have the mood for writing . Haish . And i dont really know what to write . Currently , i keep thinking about the audience i have out there , who might be reading this , how will they judge me . And then i start feeling like my posts are crap and they are like the " slippery slope stories " the language arts teacher always warn us against and it felt like i was just brushing through the surface of what i really wanna say .
` I hate endings , not because i'm left alone or not loved anymore . I hate endings because they left me thinking how and when to start agains .
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dont change ,
Saturday, August 6, 2011 | 11:00 PM
And since the last time i've posted , something biggie has happened . :x And i've finally got the courage to give my number to him . That guy on the bus . And he turned out to be better than i expected . And he's not the heys-i'm-better-than-you type , nor the i-dont-care-about-the-rest-of-the-world type , nor ishh he the i-wont-text-you-till-you-text-me type nor the i-know-look-good-and-i-deserve-better type , and thank all the Gods above that he's the way he ishh , cute , good-looking , sweet , honest .... But we both agreed that his best assets are his eyes . Those eyes that will Fang dian you know . (L) Please dont let anyone take him away . :/
Classes were fun recently . :D New chemistry teacher for the term , Ms Wong , was entertaining personally . At least she ishh modern enough to make funny enough jokes . Not like the stupid RVLit teacher , who now have no patience at all and scold us for every little action we took . Like the other day , he said keep everything and take out the worksheet he given . Then apparently no one listen . So he scolded us and wait till everyone kept their stuffs . But only Rousha took out his worksheet . Then that teacher suddenly shout at her to keep her stuffs and when she tried to explain that it's his stupid worksheet he just shout what he dont care , keep it ! *roll eyes*
Oh and apparently , he asked us keep his worksheet properly , i took out a bright orange file to keep his bloody worksheet and he maybe he's allergic to orange or sth cause he shout at me to keep my stuffs . Hahah . But i think Jiahui's case most epic . WHATEVER she do , he will stare , say some craps , repeat random craps , then at Jiahui's expressionless face , SCREAM ! Hahahahha ! ( Yesh , yours truly really laughed out loud . :P .... and tio stare . LOL ! ) She take calculator , he scold , got notebook on table , tio scold agains , touch pencil case , scold scold scold . LOL ! And explanations were forbidden in his classes . SPLENDID .
And they ask why Singaporeans students dont know how to express themselves ? Well , truth be told , we're not afraid to make mistakes , we're just getting sick of getting scolded over and over agains . Scold once , yeah i totally deserve it , scold twice , i never try hard enough , scold thrice , goodness ! what do you want ! D: ! And so , how would you like it if your thoughts get suppressed ? (: .... Anyways , as i was saying , about Ms Wong . Hahhaa. Very GL in her class recently . :x And .... I keep having the feel like i'm the joy of the class ! :D .... Okays actually all i do ishh irritate whoever i cans find . :x
Anyways currently doing CID project , seems easier when Ngoc Tam was there guiding me in school . Haish . Bimbo jiu shi bimbo cant be helped . :x School celebrating national day two days later . First time for me in RV. Representing RVCB Percussion in front of the whole school . So scared i might screw up . And now i know how Sarah felt last time playing the cymbals . ... If i "choke" ( on the cymbals ) on the actual day i think i'll be scarred for life . :/
"Halo - Beyoncé"
Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo
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