like we never had a chance ,
Saturday, November 24, 2012 | 8:15 PM
( i think i've said this before but gah i'll try to phrase it differently this time alright ? ) Why did i name my blog "under the showerhead" ? Yes i'm trying to be cooler than the rest and come up with something different . And it's during the showers in which i get my inspirations , do my reflections and somehow reach a conclusion . There's something about being all by yourself in an enclose space and you'll start thinking about the things that you seldom think about , moments you thought you forgot and people you thought no longer mattered . Like those times when you sit alone on the bus , looking out of the window , listening to songs that remind you of your own stories , your own people , and you try coming up with a different ending , try figuring out why you did that at that time , why you said the things you did .
Yeah of course i'm thinking about people as i said this . I'm always missing someone . Problem ishh , so many people matter to me , so many people whom i want them to be happy , with or without me . But now people say that loyalty or faithful means you cans only have one in your heart . People will think that you're some kind of slut or playboy/girl or greedy whatever-you-call-it ( which i cant come up with any names for now ) if you talk about more than one guy , hang out with more than one clique etc. I wanted to blog about special people agains today . But i know i want to keep these particular people closer to my heart for now . It's like when writing / saying it out , it's like letting them out , letting them go further away from me . I guess keeping it inside will leave the memories more intact , and not let others know what i know about them that they dont . HAH !
And people are too busy to read and understand the writer . So when they come across something that surprised them or that they din knew or which happen to spur their emotions , they jump to conclusions and then all the finger-pointing and name-calling happens . ( yes yes sounds familiar ? ) So everything blew up and after a while , cause it din really matter in the end , it died down , but hey the damage ishh done , someone aint gonna forget what happened . The saddest thing ishh what one say / do / write now , it'll change one day eventually , the way they think i mean . But , perhaps due to " time constraint " (iykwim) , once someone think they know someone , they already had them branded and labelled . But , that's not how life works . ... People shan't be too selfish with second chances ...
Photos were taken when i went *Scape for CIP during National Day and Halloween . Really memorable for both times . I think i mentioned going for it in my blog before but din talk about it in depth ... Anyways , both were very enriching CIPs , actually it felt more like taking part in an event than doing a CIP itself . Though i din get to make new friends like i really hope to , spending time and creating memories with Amy and Jiahui makes it truly memorable . P: Like now whenever someone mention *Scapes or when there's an event related or when i go there , it feels more special now . Like the place itself has a new meaning to me .
During the National Day *Scape CIP , we packed goodie bags , moved stuffs here and there , yeah the usual sai kang stuffs but the memorable thingy was we had an amazing race in town . What's so special about an amazing race you may ask ? well , WE HAD TO SCOOT FROM PLACE TO PLACE ! Imagine ! Being on a scooter running all over town on national day ! I din even remember our various station tasks actually . LOL . But i remember the paisey yet Awesome AA ( Attracting Attention ) feeling when travelling . And the aching muscles when we chiong to Botanic Gardens on a scooter from Orchard .... But it's different . And this ishh a good kind of different , fun and refreshing . And memorable . P: So each time i went Botanic Gardens , i'm like " HEY ! I SCOOTED HERE BEFORE ! " LOL ! And for the Halloween *Scape CIP ... it's actually the first time i'm doing anything for Halloween . All i cans say ishh , i'm a scardy-cat . A TRUE BLUE SCARDY-CAT . But at the same time , i love scaring people . LOL .
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you have my place to stay ,
Friday, November 23, 2012 | 9:40 PM
Went for sectionals today morning then met Amy and Gladys to go town find work . Apparently RV made it compulsory for the year 4 kiddos to have job / attachment / internship this holidays . However , when finding jobs , we're competing against fresh 16-year-olds who just finished their O's and could work till like Feb / Mar . So we're like less tempting to employers for we only have like , a month left :( And then , after our fellow batch mates of the country get their O's results ... They got a higher qualification than us ! T.T now my highest qualification ishh the same as my 12-year-old brother's ... and his results are looking better than mine ! D:
Was talking to my girls and i realize i do come up with touchy weird questions at the most random times . LOL . And we were walking around town and stuffs , pretty aimless and waste of time if one were to put it that way . But in this hectic world where people always seem to have other plans and stuffs , ( trust me , even I , find it hard to jio people out sometimes . People whom i really wanna catch up with so badly . Sigh . ) To be able to just hang out like this in town ( which DOES sounds kinda cool when you put it that way right ? ) , it doesn't make you smarter or more accomplished , but it sure makes you feel more ... Complete and happier . Cause with friends , there's no such thing as forever alone . For that's what a friend should be . ... Sounds legit ? :)
Anyways , during sectionals in the morning , Fengxian , who had been MIA-ing since like forever finally came ! LOL ! But pity there wasn't combines and our instruments are like all over the place in the tutorial rooms so it's hard to have a proper sectional too ... In the end we only played strokes and exchanged gossips and stalk people etc. Then as we were catching up on each other's life ( Sally , Fengxian and me ) , there came to a point when i think that i shouldn't be talking about some particular stuffs to him . Then he said : " Every time after you talk to me , i got judge you or treat you differently or look at you differently meh ? Tell me la ! I know you for 10 , eh 8 years already leh ! "
The first fight we ( as in , everyone who's there ) just kinda forgot about it / got over it . Like , it's not something that's etched clearly in mind but it's also something that one wont forget . I remember the reason why we fought though . LOL . :X But this cold war ... Lawls . i remember it was before we step down . But i haven't figure out why he avoiding me so during sectional talk for handover , i finally asked . For him to talk to me agains . LOL . First and last time i gonna cry so openly in RV tyvm . But i learnt , that for the people who really matters to you , whom you'll miss when they're not around , you should really really cherish them , and let them know that you care . ( From experience , apparently face-to-face more sincere and effective ! ... DUH . :P )
" Friends are not about who came first , or who you knew the longest . It's about who came , and never left . " Think this was the original quote ? But nevertheless , this ishh really sweet and meaningful yeah ? Wanted to post a photo of me and Fengxian then realize that we aint got no photo together . D: What an insult to a photo queen me ! LOL . Only got some section photo together kind of thing . Sigh . Oggays . New mission in life . Take AT LEAST a photo with him . LOLLOL . Needless to say , it's obvious and definite that people have changed alot . :x And i just realize that i've spent nearly an entire post talking about FX . LOL . I'm done . :P
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the things going on in your head ,
Thursday, November 22, 2012 | 11:06 PM
HaCAS (day) camp today . Brought to you by Annie , Nigel and yours truly , overseen ( aka babysat ) by Cornelius . When I first met with them to discuss about the camp , haven’t truly warm up to them yet and it was kinda awkward but today during the camp it was really fun ! Had never interacted with Annie and Nigel much before , so I’m really glad that I was able to know them better through this camp . Cant be myself / open up to some particular people cause they’ve the fake aura but Annie was so lovable and Nigel was so fun to be with ( ah and not to forget nice to look at too .) And Cornelius’s replies to stuffs never fail to surprise and amuse me . LOL . Actually happens with a lot of other seniors too . P:
Anyways , when we first came up with the idea of a camp for HaCAS months ago , we were actually like expecting 50 plus people and stuffs . Then suay suay holidays many people go overseas etc. , so the last attendance we had was around 20 people . Last night . Down to 16 . Had people texting me the night before and even this morning about not being able to make it last minute . Despite yours truly trying her best to reply very nicely and trying to be empathetic and understanding , cant help feeling turned off . :/ And … /drumsroll/ The final attendance was 12 … But after today , I realize a small camp not that bad too ! Managed to get to interact with everyone and it felt like a class outing instead of a CCA camp . But more exciting than class outing cause of the games that filled up every moment and there wasn’t a need to find any activity to kill time . Wont forget the people who came today .. Thanks for the wonderful memories omg and I’ve got enough bruises and cuts to prove it . Hahaha
The day just passed by in a flash actually . Report ; briefing ; icebreakers – wacko , caterpillar , everything just going round and round and round LOL ; the queens game – balloon and water version , just more mad running in short ; then running man in Jcube – ended faster than I expected though :x ; then block catching like thing in school . Okays in short I feel like I’ve been running more today than I’ve been running for the past month AND I’M LOVIN’ EVERY MOMENT . Hahaha . Exhausting but refreshing . Amy : “HaCAS camps are all so memorable” . True that ! Remembered the last one I went for , we had an amazing race organized by the seniors around the town area . Woah . Tiring but shiok . Was with a very entertaining group of people that time too . :D
Actually i had no idea what i was expecting when i join HaCAS , or what i was really visioning when i interviewed for exco . But all i gotta say ishh that i'm glad i did . :D Like , if i try harder , there's more to life than just breathing and struggling to live for the sake of living . They say that in this world , there are three types of people , 1) those who live for themselves , 2) those who live for others and the world , and 3) those who live , for the sake of it . Ever wondered which category you're in ? Ever wondered what you've been doing for your life up till now ? Uhh if you haven’t then you shouldn’t really be wondering now . LOL . Anyways , small photos at the bottom added to reminiscence . When i see these photos , some memories and thoughts will run through my mind of course , things that i cannot put into words so i just attach the photos P: .. Lawls . Just by looking at these photos , cans tell my 2012 has been with who le . :)
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but loving him was red ,
Wednesday, November 21, 2012 | 3:34 PM
Just came back from band . Hahah . today got the set piece for SYF next year . It's an easy piece of music so the judging ishh probably gonna be not so lenient . O: ! Anyways , today percussion only got me and Sally ... we used to be the biggest section in band but now ... heard that the previous band prac before this , totally no percussionist turn up ... ( yours truly had a hospital check up follow-up , VR (vaild reason) oggays ! ) But i think i've been a very failed SL ... lawls .. such a small section le also cant bond them probably . Cant motivate my section too or inspire them either with my limited skills and vision ... 很惭愧 :/
But recently , i remembered this thingy that someone told me once before . That when we're playing music , we shouldnt be thinking . Well , even if we are thinking , we should be thinking of how to make each note , each sound , each phrase comes out better . It's not about the whole music , whole song . Okays , maybe it ishh . But it's also about the little details and each individual notes . It's like thinking of the then and now rather than worrying about the fast part or the solo that's coming up . I'm trying . For both band and while playing piano . Trying to bring the expression out . The emotions that comes with each piece . (although idk the heck of what emotions i'm suppose to bring out for "Antiphonale" , which ishh out current choice piece for SYF'13 ... ) And trust me . It's truly much easier to play music when you're in love .... :x
First Loves ,
That’s exactly what they are .
Those are the ones that introduced you to everything ,
Made you love them , loved you back .
And also , broke your heart .
But no matter how hurt you are ,
You’ll always love them , always .
And not only will you not notice it ,
But deep down , you will compare every other one .
And none of them will live up .
Then after months of letting go ,
When you finally think you are okay ,
He’ll call . ... Or you’ll hear “your” song .
Or you’ll visit a place that was important to you .
Or see a movie ... or something that reminds you
Of how much he meant to you .
And how much you really loved him .
And realize you’re not over him .
And maybe never will be .
This , i cans truly relate . Every . Single . Day . The more boys i meet , the more i realize that it's only him i want to be with . A person's online diary tells a lot about them . It shows what kind of images they see in their head , who they love , who they hate , even what they think about other people ( though yours truly will keep this kind of thingy discreet :P ) . But most of all , has all the words they never said to people , all the words they couldnt have said but should have said . Sometimes , you just want someone to know ...
Sometimes i got tired of how you would dig at me when i said i love you always . And when i told you it's just you , you would dig up my other relationships with other guys . Then i realize that i have been doing the same too . When i'm especially insecure on that particular day , when you say that you love me , i would ask , what about your ex . I realize , i just wanted more confirmation that it's me . To hear you say in different ways that i'm different from the rest . But the thing ishh , even if this some kind of mutual feeling thing . I dont even know how to answer to muyself .... This ishh a "cloudy paragraph" ...
Cloudy paragraph ishh when i'm trying to put an idea across or when i'm trying to express my feelings but i couldnt find the right words / the ideal expressions so i just try to scrape through . Have a lot of cloudy paragraphs that's why i stopped writing for a period of time . I'm doing it agains though :/ Next time , if anyone write on my birthday card , " you're older now , things are gonna be better now " , that person's name ishh going into my list of liars ! I dont think that things get any better when as you grow up ... You just learn to adapt and mask things better ..... Actually , I fear i'm gonna spend the rest of my life remaining stagnant like this ....
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dont be someone else ,
Tuesday, November 20, 2012 | 10:37 PM
So after blogging yesterday , got back the inspiration to blog agains . FOR NOW . Really loving the current blog and twitter layout now . P: so pretty . :D not that i've a fascination for mustache (cant believe i kept tying mustache but each time i'll have to google for the spelling . wait i mean yahoo! the spelling . google ishh too mainstream . ... okays i lied i googled i din yahoo! . .... wait ! that's not the point ! ) anyways , i declare that i've no obsession with flowers or mustaches or anchors . just that they're really pretty , simple icons / symbols that could really do a lot when it comes to designing . :D the point of this paragraph ? .... i'm in love with my blog and twitter and keep looking at it omigosh . :x
Shall talk about my day today . Today went to school ( my how long has it been ! ) to discuss HaCAS (day) camp stuffs with Annie and Nigel and Munwei and Cornelius . Thought it was gonna be awkward at first but thank god Annie was there and it turn out to be really fun in the end ! Realize from experience that the lesser you expect , the more you'll enjoy yourself . And the fun i had today really surprised me too ! :X You know , sometimes on social network and you see all these cliques always hangin together and like having the time of their lives together and stuffs like that ? And then you'll wonder what if you've been in that clique instead , would the girl smiling so brilliantly in that photo be you instead ? Would you be the one knowing all the inside jokes with them and stuffs like that ? We'll always compare . Uhh it's human nature . And when we compare , we'll compete .
Wanted to write an essay about competition and stuffs but after coming up with the title which i wanted it to be called "The Race" , i started thinking about betrayal and tumbling blocks and all kinds of cliche storyline , about how the winner is actually the loser or if you keep trying you'll succeed , which you'd see in Sg channel 8 dramas and suddenly i dont feel like writing anymore ... :/ But i went to do a quick search for inspiration and came across this poem entitled The Race . Like the first verse :) And there's this quote which always comes to my mind whenever i catch myself trying to go too fast , too high . "Life is not a race , do take it slower , hear the music , before the song is over." Somehow i've this feeling if one goes to search , this particular quote will come out somewhere else too :X
Anyways , went to her (Christalle) house de other day (before O's?) . First time tried playing the piano in front of someone else other than my piano teacher . (i think?) Hahhahaa . Damn dui lian . Hahahha . Something special about her house ? NEVER a moment of silence and got heaps of food (idk about the expiry date tho) . LOLLOL . and she probably has got the cutest maid ever . oh and most sociable too . Hahaha . Another special thing i do with Christalle ishh that i'll send her my zilians and ask for
Started this post with the thought of wanting to enlighten my readers about this "friend" that i've been mentioning but after all the sidetracking and stuffs i realize this post already long enough ... maybe next time bah . When i feel more emotional maybe . Then i would be able to bring out the feelings ... iykwim (if you know what i mean) But nonetheless , i tried my best to have an interesting post and make myself look like i have a life even though i might actually not have one ! :P
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Out of this world ,
Monday, November 19, 2012 | 11:55 AM
Could never be an active blogger as I’m running further and further away from my own thoughts and reality and I don’t really wanna write it down anymore . Everytime I look back at the past posts , everytime I’ll catch myself thinking , why did I used to think like that . And this quote pops into mind : “ It’s funny how each day , nothing changes but one day when you look back , everything had changed ” . Felt it yes yes ? Actually now I’ve this “The Right Word” by Robert Wiks in front of me and I’m studying the Psychology chapter on page 281 but as I search for terms on Google I somehow got distracted and now yours truly ishh here editing her blog and posting …
Anyways , a quick update to life . Yours truly had a horrible hospitalization experience last month and now have this phobia for hospital and needles . Call me brave or seriously dumb . Cause after that I went to apply for a job attachment at that particular hospital . On one hand , it is my interest to study psychology when I grow up so it’s good to start young . However , as I am also the patient , things are somehow getting tricky … But I really hope this will help in paving my path for the future . … Whatever that my future ishh anyways . Recently seeing a lot of people from my batch from my school having all their job thingy and work and cool-looking camps etc. and got me wondering what am I doing with my life man … Every year I say next year and every day I say tomorrow . And as I often say , “tomorrow never comes” …
I think I’m possibly being grounded till I’m like 21 or something due to family and trust issues . But I’ve truly wonderful friends who came over to my humble home and made the days of this holidays much more bearable . ^^ People who have dropped by are Alicia and Amy . LOL what a coincidence that both their names start with the letter A but okays that’s not the main point . I hope Christalle , Isabelle and Chenxi cans drop by too . Idk why I thought of them but I feel like hanging out with them loads . :/ But uh . I haven’t told them . … Anyways , it’s not true that I’m always stuck at home . Actually I do go out too and have done quite a bit of shopping this month . Love dressing up and going out . Trying to kick that bad habit though . I feel like I shouldn’t be wasting time anymore but yet I cant help it … 16 sounds young but at this age , many around the world have accomplishments whereas here I am still trying to improve my general knowledge .
Not really sure what to touch on about so here goes the photo story telling . (Click to enlarge)
The first photo ishh of my CID group minus Kar Leong . There’s David , me , Amy and Jiahui . During the last CID presentation , I suddenly had high fever (which was why I was hospitalized in the end argh) and I really dunno what to do without them . A few days later , we were suppose to be presenting the learning symposium together too but yours truly was sadly still hospitalized . Although idk how it went but I heard that the feedback was really good and I was really proud of them . CID was my only A subject this year and I’ve this particular sense of pride for this project-based topic . 
The second photo , show the five girls i've been hanging out with for this two whole years . Gosh i must really say we're the weirdest bunch of people and we like always goes in pairs but i guess strength truly come in numbers and a photo look nicer with more people in it ... :p Anyways , from left : Amy , Kellie , Me , Christalle , Gladys and Jiahui . This particular day we all went out to surprise Kellie for her birthday . :) Most of us chose different combi for the next year so ... 
The third photo ishh me and Shumin . I really love her cause no matter how long we never talk or see each other , she always make me feel wanted . Wish i've been there for her more though ... The day of this photo was during the exams period and we went the Jurong library to study together . Every time we hang out together , confirm got moments where we'll be laughing non stop . Still waiting for the day when we'll dress up prettily and go hanging around town :x 
This last photo are people whom i dont really express my love for usually but idk what my life would have been without them . From left : Zi Le , Chuan Rui , Feng Xian , me , Mengying , Sally , Pei Ling and Yi Fei . Other than Sally and Fengxian , the rest are my year 6 seniors who will be leaving RV this year . When i first join band , the first year i've always been mia-ing so i'll start from my year two days . The current year sixes were the then year fours and they've really made me love percussion and made me really proud to be one of them . Personally , i've much gratitude and personal stories with each one of them . Couldnt put to words how much i wish they wont go and how much i wanna thank them and love them . Sally and Fengxian mean alot to me too ... And for the next two years ... I know i wont be able to make it without them ... Anyways , this photo was of our last performance together with the year sixes at the Istana . Gonna miss performing with them ... 
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