I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

I know I promised another post soon so here goes me writing a post as I watch Zaw , Rizal , Zhi Yang and Edwin playing Bball . Later watching choir concert . Had been a very horrible day actually . Shaken ishh probably a more suitable word . Felt vulnerable ever since PE in the morning . It was fun at first , and satisfying ... but then after a while it became super tiring . Why dint I stop really .

Why don’t I ever stop . Why . Why ishh my self control so ..... Lawls . What self control . .... Do I not know my own limits ? ... Have I even set a boundary for myself ? There’s actually so many things that I wanted to do . And so many things that I shouldn’t have done that I did . And I realize I’m always living for moments . For that climax that last so short . So short . Really . I want to feel love . Not pleasure . Maybe I should stop when the pleasure gets too overwhelming . Overpowering the love that I could have felt instead .

Was gonna talk about CCA . Really thinking of quitting band . I thought this time I’ll really walk the talk . But then Zile made me the Section Leader . Making it impossible to ditch my section . Feeling obliged to stay . And I know I will never and cans never abandon Sally de . Actually RV made it easier for us to follow our own path . But as I grow older , .... It’s very contradicting de , as I grow older , I realize no one cans make me do what I don’t want to . Like if I don’t wanna go , they cant carry me to wherever whatsoever . But as I grow older , I realize I’ve the responsibility to ... well , go . ... If you know what I mean .... Forever having this “ should I ? ” feeling . Sucks to be me . :/

Okays . Still watching them play Bball . really interesting really . Shit . Did I keep repeating really ? .... Really ? LOLLOL ! Anyways , was thinking about how the player moves reflects their personality / character . For example like Zhiyang . His personality ishh simple I guess . The simple good . Not the simple minded simple . Simple may sound dumb but when placed aside complicated , ... I would take simple anytime . ... Cause yours truly ishh complicated enough tyvm . (: Zhiyang just gives me de , hey , let’s make things simple feel ..... Wait . That doesn’t mean his personality ishh simple la ... it’s the vibes I guess .

Did I ever mention how the aura / vibes of someone ishh important to me ? Like , if the aura of someone ishh bitchy or fake or something , I cant be myself to the other person no matter how much I try . For yours truly , it’ll all be about the feeling . ... Brainless right ? I know . When you do things by feel , 感情用事 , ... It’ll all be about the moment . ... Back to moments agains . LOL . The climax of whatever I’m feeling at the moment .... Like currently how I’m proud of my hon despite his flaws at the moment .


Was just typing this out and was thinking , later when people read this and then think back to how I was laughing at them play Bball and stuffs . It’s like , .... LOL . So that’s what she’s seems on the outside and thinking about on the inside . Anyways , for closure , that day ended perfectly .... Oh . The choir concert was awesome ! Actually I went to watch it just to see Amy , Rio , Hanee , Siying and some people Rio always talk to me about who are from choir . :x Saw Tsz Kiu also !!! Omg she damn cuteeeee . Hahahhaha . Anyways it was nicer than de one I went for last time cause this time they dance and sang at the same time ! Pity if you’ve missed it really . They were really good and I’m really proud of my girls . Did I mention how good Glenvicia sang ? Just saying .

Oh and about band ..... I love band really . I enjoy de music ( when I cans play them of cause ) . ... Now addicted to playing Pirates of the Carribean ! I love songs with a good strong bass ( base ) . I don’t like songs that got this left hanging in the air feeling . Anyways back to band . Talked to Ms Chan ( one on one ) more often than usual today . Gosh I love talking to her . :x Actually I’ve always wanted to chat with her one on one de . But well , dunno why will shy .... Haish . Today gave her a cookie before band started . I hope that had helped to cheer her on for band ! Heehee . And finally got the courage to ask her about choosing the new SL and stuffs . .... Damn I really love Ms Chan . .... Sorry I now going into some kind of fantasy land in which she somehow became my godmother . LOLLOL .

Had English presentation last week too I think . Dunno why feeling quite shaken recently . I think I could have done better . I was obviously nervous . And I missed out a lot of stuffs which I wanted to say . But then agains . I don’t have time to say it cause SongAnn the first speaker took up like 9 minutes , then NgocTam had like 6 plus minutes ? And Rio took more than 5 minutes . Just so you know , the presentation should only be like 15 minutes long . I only feel that a presentation ishh good if I felt like I’ve made an impact on my audiences and had eye contact with everyone of them . This time only focused on a few groups of people and barely looked at Ms Tan . Haish . Hopes I do well . But then agains . When have I never hoped that I would do well ?

I’m in a dilemma recently . I’m those type of , who , if you’re nice to me , I’ll give you the very best of me . So for every moment ( LOL moment LOL . Sorry now sensitive to the word moment which makes me think of climax . argh . ) , that you make right for me , I’ll make sure I’ll leave you with something even more memorable . But for every pain you inflict on me .... Let’s just say Capricorns forgive but don’t forget . And so if someone say something wrong , yours truly will forgive the person if he / she so nicely asked for forgiveness . But when the time arises , yours truly will use those words said wrongly against the person agains .
Say something . Right or wrong . .... Yours truly wont forget . (:
Oh and yes . Yours truly judges . Very extremely severely too .

My point of saying all that ?
I’m happy yet sad at the same time . And I’m still figuring out how that could be .
Through these 5 painfully beautiful years .
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And there was my April . Now May ler , this being my very first post using iPad .... p: shall post about lately . Have just watched Avengers with Kellie on 4th May , and Battleship with Fengxian on 27th April and The Vow with my friend on 16th April .... Looking at my organiser , I realize it's one movie one week ! No wonder so fast broke recently :x

Anyways , love all those three movies with Avengers being the least draggy feel , The Vow most emotional and the Battleship most surprisingly good :x Avengers really live up to my expectations though . Didn't know how Amy cans fall asleep watching the 3D one LOL . Oh and just realize I also watched Mirror Mirror with Amy on 6th April and Wrath of the Titans with my friend on 1st April . ...... What have I been doing with my life ....

Anyways recently broke my own rules .... Told myself never to get close to any other rv guys or be intimate with guys younger than me . But here am I out of whatever am I feeling and getting close to guys in rv . From my last relationship , I truly understand what they meant when they say lesser than four months de is just a crush . I learnt that we should never ever ever give it your all before you know for sure . But here I am having another replay of what do they call it ..... Well it's just something like falling , no , make that plunging head first into something that have no certainty ..... What am I doing to you , .... To myself .....

Have been studying recently . P: by studying I meant hanging out in the library making notes . Useful notes I've really . If only I really memorise and study them ! Lawls . Didn't have the I've done my best feeling . And that's my biggest regrets . Haven't been failing papers recently though , but also haven't been doing especially well . Maybe I really a just an average student .... Maybe I should just shift my focus to something else .... What am I going to do in the future , or even just the near future .....

Not that there ain't no hopes ... Recently been signed up to this program under the National Monuments Board through my CID which we're to be like tourist and bring people around our national monuments . But have to go through interviews and all though . Maybe if I cans make it , it'll open up doors to what I cans do in the future . Wont mind a tourist job sia . Anything that allows me to interact with people and see new places and things . What am I really good at though ........



Oh had this worst ever CIP experience ever on 21st April . In the morning before I went had chemistry olympiad at NUS high . Signed up cause I needed the experience of this kind of thingys agains , though it doesn't help in my portfolio or lists of achievements , when I go my jc years to build up my portfolio it'll probably help ? P: and seeing what kind of stuffs others schools are learning is quite enriching too . Though it just dent my ego la . LOL . What am I compared to what's out there .....

About the CIP , was kinda late cause it was in town , then during the whole thing I just couldn't put my heart into it . Idk why ... Most of the CIP I did , always have me this heartening and achievement feelingish thing . But I couldn't feel for this CIP :/ was suppose to go around the streets in town and ask people to write messages on this clipboard for youth-at-risks and ex-youth-convicts . Was group with Amy and christalle and they were great ! But I .... Just wasn't in the mood I guess . Didn't have the push and enthusiasm . Still think I could have done better . What I could have done and achieved instead of .... , all these ....

Met up with jieyin , kelvin one and kenzi recently too . Twice in a month for a first ! The Very last time which I met them long ago was like .... More than two years ago maybe ? :/ anyways went sakae with them for jieyin's birthday and swensens for kelvin's birthday . LOL was late for kelvin's one then they made me solo sing the birthday song . Like damn paisey lor . They still hide their faces some more . Felt like it was the longest song in that moment .... Haish .... But i really missed out on too many past outings . How everyone have changed ! But cans somehow still feel like I know them even after so long p: but we didn't , couldn't hang out together for long cause everyone now busy with their life and all .... :/ What if I've paid more attention to my primary school friends .......

Okays shall end here . Thanks for faithfully checking my blog !! Heehee . Wondered if anyone realize for this I ended every paragraph with "what blahblahblah ....." except for the intro and ending p: next post will probably be about my CCAs , projects / presentations and maybe "friends" .... ?
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