The Joy Within .
Sunday, June 7, 2015 | 6:09 PM
Was deciding the title for this post with the other option being “The Happiness Theory” and I suddenly remember a conversation I had with Rio about being happy. She was telling me how she rather have joy than happiness and explaining (or at least tried to because my limited brain capacity prevents me from fully comprehending) to me why they are essentially different.
Shame on me as I can’t remember the essence of the difference but I think one of the differences is that happiness is fleeting and it is more definite, the opposite of sadness. But when you experience joy, you embrace the sadness, hardship, /insert countless negative emotions and situations/, but you recognize them as what they are and don’t let them drag to you down to the pits of gloom. And at the same time, happiness is a subset of joy. ... Next time I should probably wish people Joy rather than Happiness. Though it kinda sounds weird cause it’s not a widely used blessing.
Anyways, maybe I should really have used the other title because I would rather discuss Happiness (easier to define and more related to what I am about to write). For a long time I’ve held onto my belief that true happiness comes from making the people around you happy. There are many things that can make one happy but at the end of the day the thing that matters the most is the happiness that you have given and shared with other people.
Hence I’m quite disappointed in myself recently. I think I’ve been taking the “At this age you’ll meet a lot of temporary people” too seriously and in the wrong direction. It’s like I’ve already decided that this person that I meet will be an acquaintance before they even drift away from me. I believe that’s not the purpose of the quote though, it’s more like a consolation to people that, Hey it’s okay to unexpectedly lose people at this stage in life, don’t take it to heart and let it scar you.
I really shouldn’t deny someone else the chance to ... Gosh I can’t find the word for this ... to experience (?) me. Like, no matter what, I should be giving my 100% to others especially when it haven’t even reach the end. I guess I don’t like the fact that if I don’t, the impression I left behind does not do me justice. I could’ve made the interaction better and more meaningful but my lack of effort and sincerity does not align with my principles and the core of who I am.
At the same time, I think I let go of people too easily recently. Despite being aware that I am drifting away from some, I didn’t really put in the effort to sustain the relationship, no matter how distant or fragile or superficial it seems. Too tired to handle these are terrible excuses to not bother or care. Yes I’m repenting sobs. Needa learn from this and hopefully, grow and mature more.
That said, priority is still the people who really matter.
1 June 2015: “Kai Pun wants to jio you & your logistic committee people to come for our D&D this Thursday 5.30pm! :-))”
Theme of this year’s D&D is Fashion Police vs Fashion Terrorist. OMG I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT WAS MY D&D THEME. LOL Seriously shame on me. LOL. I wouldn’t lie and say that I enjoyed the D&D tremendously but to say that it was no fun isn’t right either. It’s interesting to see what has changed in school and to hang around in that familiar environment (band room is my territory for five years ok!). I’m glad that I went with my comfort people (i.e. people who I can be comfortable and at home with in any situation at any time) because crowds of people at social functions like this gets on my nerves. LOL Sorry to disappoint, I’m not a clubber gal though I might give people that impression.
Anyways throughout the night it was a constant internal battle between being ok with myself and being too self-conscious. I’m glad for the fact that the participants are all younger than me (does being older makes me feel more in control? Maybe? Hmm I should read up on this). There was one girl who was Secondary 1 which really surprised me, SHES DAMN TINY OMG. I don’t even remember being that small. (Well I haven’t really grown since Primary 5 anyways sobs)
Been actively trying to not let my self-esteem be affected by my body-esteem, telling myself that it’s okay to be okay with myself even if I’m not as pretty as other girls (and in some awkward situations, guys look even prettier than me wtf). Self-esteem is determined by what someone is fundamentally rather than how one looks like. It’s intangible and immeasurable which makes it hard to even realize that it’s there or how to deal with it. On the other hand, we can easily compare our physical appearance, shapely body, big dreamy eyes, full lips etc. The society and especially the media have long defined what beauty is and affect our body esteem (and tragically, self-esteem too) from there. It's so easy to let one's self-esteem be dragged down by their body-esteem. Sobs.
Speaking of appearance, I figured out why people who face more hardship tend to look older (and hence wiser). Chanced upon this article the other day which listed down things that we do that make us age without us realizing it. One of which is rubbing our eyes. Apparently it breaks down the collagen and elasticity around the area, causing wrinkles and broken capillaries (do I sound educated or what?). What.
So my take is that people who face more hardship tears more and hence rub their eyes more frequently which result in them appearing to look older. ... Okays find I'm just speaking from personal experience and trying to justify (to myself) who do I look so chao lao. Sobs. Oh. Another source of aging fertilizer is apparently sugar. So I guess my sweet tooth needa take some responsibility, not just my tear glands.
Tip on how to stay joyful and youthful?
Labels: Friends, Life, Memories, Quotes, Theory
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