Thank you for the Music,
Tuesday, May 5, 2015 | 5:09 PM
Him: “You fear being alone?”
It depends on the situation I guess. Having reached the age where every question does not come with a definite and standard answer but which depends on the person who ask and the context of the question. Like the other day, Yiling asked me what kinds of marriage proposal I want in the future i.e. the public, attention-seeking kind or...? And I answered her, “Hahahah Idk I think depends on my partner. If he handsome then public. If he ulgy then friends and family only. If he hideous then when we B**M and he blindfold me or else is a no. LOL.” (TBH I really think I quite funny)
That said, I’m not trying to “show-off” that yours truly can be judgemental by sounding really conscious of appearance (P.S. I think I was
So, back to the initial question. Being alone is no biggie for yours truly. I don’t have to be constantly accompanied by friends or family to be comfortable in my own skin. But being alone is a biggie to me when I am surrounded by acquaintances all by myself (this acquaintance thingy really gets to me sia... I’m even ok with strangers). It makes me really self-conscious and on the edge. It gives me a “truly alone” feeling.
Me: “Huh? Where did you get that from?”
I took a half day leave and went to watch my juniors’ (RV Senior Band) SYF on 29 April at the Singapore Conference Hall. It was my first time going there as an audience (Like, I never knew the place was near the tanjong pagar area since I always go there with the school buses for my own SYFs) LOL And I went by myself so it was entirely free-and-easy for yours truly. Met Charmaine by coincidence and am super grateful for her pleasant company while I wait for my juniors to arrive. It honestly feels damn great to hear her familiar laughter after like, 1 year plus?
I saw many other familiar faces (RV seniors, batch-mates) and even people who I “used to know”. I suddenly realize why I don’t like meeting acquaintances. It’s due to the fact that I will have to engage in small talks with them (something which you don’t have to do with strangers and definitely not with friends). I loathe small talks with a passion because it feels meaningless and desperate, like talking for the sake of talking but not sure whether it is an appropriate topic. And since I went alone, I can’t really avoid the small talks and pretend that I never see them cause it’s extremely rude especially when I’m not busy entertaining any companion.
That was the only down side of going alone. Anyways, I managed to catch my juniors when they arrived before I entered the concert hall to listen to Charmaine’s band (PJC) perform. ACJC was the next band followed by RV. It’s been too long since I last attended a band performance and listening to these bands was quite surreal due to the atmosphere and music. Even more so when I’m sitting alone (accidentally sitting at the seats meant for the teachers) and all I had was music surrounding me so it was quite a simple and breath-taking experience. I reached the peak of my emotions when RVCB began to play.
Honestly I was quite taken aback when I consciously realize how familiar the music of RVCB sounded to me. For the first time in my life, I can recognize the sound of a CONCERT BAND (yours truly is someone who can’t even recognize voices of singers or people I know) LOL. PJC, ACJC and RV played the same set piece (of which I cannot remember the title of). I was surprised when I started tearing when RVCB played. I hear the same piece thrice but a certain part of my brain was able to pick out the sounds created by my band. And I guessed I teared because I missed it, missed them so much as I drown in memories of RVCB.
It’s something really bittersweet and close to my heart whenever I talk about RVCB. I can’t decide whether it’s the effect of music, of making music or whether it’s because of the amount of time I’ve been in that band (whole of my RV life in case you’re wondering). Anyways, this year’s SYF was really interesting because PJC was singing for a few bars and RVCB was snapping fingers and slapping their thighs as sound effects for their choice piece. Got me wondering whether this year’s theme was creativity or something. LOL. P.S. yours truly’s band got awarded the Certificate of Distinction, the highest honour. /beam with pride/
My juniors are honestly the only ones who will literally laugh at everything I say without ever giving me any judgemental “I can’t believe anyone can say something like that” look. And I really love them for that. ... I acknowledge that I’m more distant with them now though. Somehow it feels inevitable. LOL. While the band was leaving, I managed to have some alone time with Ms Chan and she still has the warm, motherly feeling. On impulse I said, “Ms Chan, bao bao!” (FYI bao bao means hug in Chinese). She was like “AIYO YOU AHH...” and hugged me. Hahahaha. She’s the best and most adorable conductor ever. Hands down win. No contest.
Him: “Well you keep calling yourself a loner”
Me: “Er ya... I keep using the word slut also but I don’t literally mean sleeping around with many people right?”
Labels: Band, Friends, Music, Theory
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