Last Breaths ,
Monday, March 30, 2015 | 11:10 PM
Lately I was wondering whether there is a period in life where you have to start accepting deaths happening around you. I knew that there’s an age where the people around you will start asking you where you’re heading to pursue your dreams. There’s an age where people around you will start discussing pay and income taxes. There’s an age where people around you will start sharing about marriage and kids. So I ignorantly thought that there would be an age where people around you will start to depart for another world and I naively thought that it would only happen when I’m old age, and that by then, I would be ready.
Read a book the other day called, “The Truth about Grief” and the author was arguing against the theory of the five stages of grief/loss (Denial, Anger, Dargaining, Depression, Acceptance). The author’s argument is that when it comes to death of loved ones, people might not necessarily go through the denial stage (the supposed first stage of grieving) and most people come to accept the loss almost immediately (the supposed last stage of grieving).
I find some sense in both theory and can relate to each. But as someone who wants to study psychology in the future, it confuses me on whether I want to spend my life coming up with such theories only to contradict myself (as someone who ALWAYS sit on the fence, I’m pretty sure I will disagree with myself barely half a page later LOL). That said, it’s kind of funny how both theory are not wrong but if one is right, the other is should not be but yet they can exist simultaneously and that one person can go through the entire experience at different point in life?! PZZZT /sound of my sizzling and evaporating brain cells/
I recalled reading some comprehension passage about how theories are created by the loopholes/mistakes of others. Sian. I wish I can find and reread that essay to give a more constructive opinion about this cause I really liked the idea behind that passage, which has been really interesting in my memory. If I’m not wrong, there was a line that goes, “The success of a theory is built upon the failure of another.” Sometime like that la uh, if that made sense. It’s no news that I’m not some language guru. LOL.
A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
Whenever I approach the “death issue”, these lyrics from If I Die Young with the tune and all, starts to play on cue in my head (yeap so now you are a mind reader cause you know what’s going on in yours truly’s head). And this particular line is exactly the description of what happened, right after LKY’s demise. I’m slightly embarrassed to confess that I was one of the countless who only began to learn and know more about him after he passed on (from all the extensive news coverage on him). So much for all my self-righteous preaching on cherishing the people around you.
There were three deaths in the past month for me. The first, was of a childhood friend’s close relative. A week later, I received news that one of my aunt has passed on. The last funeral I went to in the following week, was that of Mr LKY’s. Although the first wouldn’t have been related to me, it felt quite personal because my friend suddenly called me in the middle of the night and in between uncontrollable sniffing and chocking on tears, she poured out her pain.
The hour long phone call would have been entirely silent if not for her heartbreaking wails because I was helplessly at loss for words (Yes me. The chatterbox Teh Ah, has nothing to say). At some point, it struck me that I was probably the first and only friend she called and whom she bared this vulnerable side to, which made me feel even more helpless because nothing, absolutely not a single word in this universe would’ve been appropriate or enough. Saying, “It’s okay, you’ll get over it,” is just unacceptable because it doesn’t do the dead nor their relationship and love justice. Words like, “Hey... don’t cry...” is unforgivable because if one doesn’t cry now, then when? And who are you to stop those tears...? And so, strangely enough, the death of my friend’s loved one felt distant yet personal.
Truth be told, the death which I’ve witness till now has felt quite distant to me. Which I guess, make sense if you think along the lines of, “how can you be close to someone who has went and left”. Hence, my feelings towards LKY’s demise kind of surprised me because I felt closer to him when he’s gone (damn tragic). I found out so much more about him, became inspired by him (momentarily, because I’m a loser with 五分钟热度), and with the nation, mourn for his passing and slightly pessimistic about the future of us (I was deciding between using Singapore/home/the little red dot/this tiny island but they all sounded damn cheesy and overused so I chose the word ‘us’).
P.S. ‘五分钟热度’: 比喻因一时冲动而产生的短暂热情. AKA short-lived passion and enthusiasm aroused by sudden excitement and inspiration.
Idk man, I feel that everyone has already said what there is to be said about him and what I am about to write will probably sound pathetic compared to other people’s phrasing and choice of words. But if I were to link this back to the principle that I hold about death, I stand with what I said before. That the people whom the dead left behind, has it harder. Who would rather miss than be missed...
“Yes, you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
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