Liberation ,
Sunday, October 19, 2014 | 9:09 PM
Writing this post because I feel like I owe this to my readers who have stayed with me ever since I’ve been blogging (basically my whole high school life) and graduation day is a significant event which one shouldn’t miss out on recording down right? … Just that it doesn’t feel that significant to me.
This is really odd because amongst most people that I know, I am one of the more sentimental ones, always reminiscence-ing, always cherishing de precious moments but the lack of passionate emotions I felt that day really puzzles me so much that when people asked me how do I feel about graduation, I’m not sure what to reply because saying ‘nothing’ is too extreme but honestly I don’t feel anything special.
Perhaps it’s because I constantly feel that this is truly not the end yet. That I will still come to school every day after this, that I will still see these people every day when I come to school, that the fight is not over, and we are still in it together. And Grad Day was just another Break Day whereby I am allowed to let my hair down and not think about studies AT ALL without having to feel guilty during this hectic period.
Maybe the feelings I ought to feel on Grad Day will surface on the last day of A’s or maybe Prom Day or maybe even
If I were the me a few years ago, I will now be on facebook/twitter vying with the others on posting about friendships, posting about appreciation (yaade yaade ya) and photos with friends. Competing, displaying, flaunting the confirmation of the relationships I have forged throughout my RV life. But I am no longer the me a few years ago and I do not find the need for that now. I daresay that those who are important can feel that they are precious to me without my having to do that, without my having to flash: “Hey guys thank you for being there for me all these years”, “Who would have thought we would be so close then”, “I can’t imagine life without you guys”, “And here are the most important people of my high school life” etc. Sounds familiar? Yeah they’re all over my social networking page at the moment.
Not trying to be skeptical about anything (and everything) at the moment but honestly I wasn’t even trying to sound judgmental. But if you think about it, when you lay it out like this, and see things as they are, what people are doing, you can see that I’m just stating facts and everything online is just as superficial as they can get. (Not my words though – or so I say) And I guess I witness
I guess I agree with Wern that the people we have went around to find on Grad Day to take photos with, have a really important place in our hearts. I’m not one who will go out of my way to find people to take photos (I’m too lazy to bother about all the small talks, awkward silence and whatnots nowadays), though I admit that one of the main reason is because I have no good-quality camera. And if we require a definition, important does not mean, “oh we were once classmates y’know, and I guess we better remember each other by taking photos together on this “final day” together”, well I buy class photo every year for a reason y’know?
YES IT’S OFFICIAL! I’m an exclusively exclusive person! And if you haven’t know by now then I guess I probably didn’t find you to take a picture on Grad Day. It's a long journey into my heart that even crossing the campus of RV will never be able to measure up. No, not even from the Malan Campus to the Boon Lay Campus. (There's more meaning to my words than the literal interpretation okays? I'm secretly trying to imply three other subtle messages, which revolves around the concept of time, hardships and distance) Anyways, I saw this on twitter the other day and I can totally relate to this.
It reveals to me what I’ve been doing (or at least trying to do) all along. (And it kinds of explain why my dad is always trying to get the betterment of things. P.S. He’s a Taurus, Imma Capricorn) Speaking of horoscopes, de other day I was talking to my brother and we figured that there is no ‘Water Sign’ in our house. My mother’s a Gemini, an air sign (which explains her nonchalant attitude about everything and her abundant absence, especially at critical times) and my brother’s a Leo, a fire sign. I guess people will judge/tut-tut me for being superstitious but I guess that’s why my parents are not very compatible. Well, they might be and that day will come when 'the earth meets the sky' I guess (Am I punny enough yet?) The complexity and difficulty adds up when they’re both so extreme and stubborn to their views and beliefs.
Anyways, I digressed. The initial intention of mentioning the quote and specially adding it to my blog because I feel that it’s something that really explains who I am as a person and why do I usually do the things I do. The righteous side of me is constantly inclined to attempt to right a wrong. I’ve come to terms that perfection does not exist but I think there’s always room for improvement, that things will get better but I can only rely on myself to get to where I want to be and achieve what I wanna get. (ARGH HOW DID IT TURN OUT SO CHEESY WTF)
This reminds me of a personality quiz that I did with my friends de other day. (This will probably be spoilers for those who have yet to do this quiz) Anyways, the first question was “you are walking in a forest, who are you walking with?” and my answer was, “alone”. I honestly thought it was the reply that everyone will immediately answer until I realize that out of ten people I asked, only one other person replied “alone” too. And so, the result is “the person you are walking with in the forest is the person that you are most dependent on”. It’s really true for me, that I will rather depend on myself than anyone else in this world. I trust people but I feel that only I understand what I truly want and I cannot demand that of other people especially if they cannot do it the way I want/need them to, so I would rather handle it myself. (this is such a expose-Teh-Ah-post LOL)
And yeap, I'm no longer protected by my high school and represent yet another member of the society. ... Currently unemployed and highest qualifications remains at PSLE. LOL. I guess feeling Eighteen officially begins now.
To the top