I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

Random bouts of self-love that comes out of nowhere at the moment. LOL. Makes me wanna let down my hair, dress up and sashay along the roads in town in my new favourite forest-green hi-low shirt from Shirley. Not forgetting my new pair of lace heels too. Not that I'm all coped up at home recently. Been going to school to study (and hanging around) with Yiling, Kaiwen, Waihong, Shirley and Jialing. Times like this, just working quietly alongside each other, will end soon enough though. 4 more months.





Recently been hanging out with Isabelle and Chenxi too. June is their birthday month and as a custom, we went to have a meal and catch a movie together. Watched 'The Fault in Our Stars' yesterday and it was a huge disappointment. The introduction was boring (trying to be philosophical but barely passing), the character was not developed well enough. This is just what I feel but I guess that the girl is being nonchalant about (and bored of) her life.

I think we view people with terminating disease as one way: "Oh no I got a terminating disease but I will be strong and inspiring and show them "normal people" that despite my illness, I can do as much, if not more than them" or the other: "Oh no I got a terminating disease and I will give up on myself and slowly count down to the day I die". But the girl is more like: "Oh yeah I got a terminating disease, ... and so?". Her character is more towards the latter while the guy she met (and fall in love with, what else?) is more of the former character.

I hate how the "love at first sight" thing failed miserably. Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort has no chemistry between them. Zero. None. So she knocked into him at the bottom of the stairs, their eyes met, they supposedly "fall in love". But this has to be inferred by the audience because one cannot see/feel the love between them. (well, if you take it at face value, which was what Isabelle did at first, you would think that his "illness" is blindness, because the guy knocked into the door after seeing the girl. Inference: he cannot take his eyes off her and was love-struck. P.S. All the teenager has some sort of terminating disease in the show)

I am not being an asshole by putting down their acting skills, but I guess I am an asshole for making throwing-up noises in the cinema while ALL GIRLS in the theatre (minus Isabelle and Chenxi) sigh. I wish they can tell me what is there to sigh about, or were they sighs of disappointment rather than of affection? Because I know that I am with the former. For most of the movies, where the right PAIR of main casts are chosen, you could SEE the love between the couple. The way his eye soften when he looks at her, the way he desires her from his gaze, the way ... Aiya can just tell one la!

But in "the fault", the way he looks at her makes me sick. He looks like some pervert watching her. Here's the distinction: lovers: gaze, perverts/psycho: stare (and then drool, which he did towards the end of the movie I guess, the scene in his car at the gas station). The way he says "I love you" to her makes me sick. The way he memorizes and recite his cheesy confessions make me sick.





I think only REAL man can pull off cheesy confessions, the dark, arrogant, naughty, playboy type who makes girls wet with every word that falls off his lips. Not the kind of guys who behaves with a facade of confidence that does not match the aura he gives off and look sheepish about the things he say. But above all, I LOATHE how obvious it is that it doesn't come from his heart. Squealing girls in the cinema, please enlighten me on what is there to gush about.

SO WHAT if the guy is good-looking, if he doesn't even look at me with love, simple, pure love. (I blame my romanticist heart which has her own set of romantic ideals to fulfil) Speaking of which, I feel like they chose the wrong cast again because I think it makes more sense if the guy look thinner and more frail. (At least appeal to my sympathy if you can't appeal to my heart right?!) I can almost see his double-chin as he lay on his sofa going through his chemo. (or is meaty face a side-effect of chemo...?)

I apologise if I sound like I am mocking the people who are going through these sort of terminating illness (which I absolutely have no well-informed knowledge on and therefore have no rights to mock/judge anything about it). But I think the movie has belittle what these people are REALLY going through. I heard that chemo is actually quite painful...? But the guy just sort of make out with the girl as he go through his chemo. This film just doesn't do enough justice to so many things, it pisses me off. (I have yet to read the book but I'm positive that the movie doesn't do the book justice either)

And I think the movie didn't pay enough attention to the parents. I mean if you're going to touch on it towards the end then at least develop it well at first right? Anyways, one of the lines, "The funeral is not for the dead, it is for the living", said by Grace Hazel reminded me of my blog post! About how living is harder than dying when it comes to death and that issues about death are ultimately issues about living.

After the show, Isabelle asked me what is there to cry about (the whole theatre was filled with sounds of sniffling, yes I've contributed). I guess there is no particular tear-jerking scenes. But I did find a part heart-wrenching, when the blind guy (yes there is indeed a blind guy who is actually not the main guy) said: "But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him."





Anyways, there are a lot of wonderful quotes from the movie (actually the book), but when I read those quotes again, I got reminded of how badly portrayed and recited they were in the movie, ruining my mood and I feel un-inspired. Yes the casts were like reciting their scripts rather than living it out which annoys the hell lot out of me. (and I am the type who seldom get irritated) But I do enjoy the wits from the movie (... credits to the book) and that was the only worthwhile parts bits of the show. SIGH.

In conclusion, the movie moves along like "The Perks of being a Wallflower" with equally badly chosen cast-pairings. Although the cast in "Perks" have better acting skills and there is Emma Waston (who saved my eyes). But I feel bored during both movies. I think movie climax should be like Tsunami, while you see it coming and there is anticipation, but when it hits, you will still be shocked and shaken by it. The climax of these two movies (if there is any) felt like man-made waves in Wild Wild Wet.

Anyways, the thing about hanging out with friends from the past (I guess I can call the times in year 1 and 2 "the past"), is that it is addictive to talk about the past. What happened then, and all the unanswered why. Chenxi and I made a "memory board" as Isabelle's birthday gift and while printing photos to pin on the board, there were a few that brought us down to memory lane. I mean, who else remember this blog.

Amongst the three of us, I feel like I changed a lot. I realize that I am an "old-at-heart" (the best antonym I can come up with for young-at-heart). Everyone's first impression of me has always been "crazy", "mad", "funny", "crazy", "sexy", "crazy", "friendly", "loud", "crazy". Yes, mainly crazy. LOL. Till now, I never get why people will think that I am "crazy". I honestly think that everything that I do is very dull and normal and nothing close to YOLO. ... But then again, insane people believe that they are sane too.

But now I realize I'm quite the serious type with all my morals and principals to live up to. Less crazy. More bland. Chenxi said that in year 1 and 2, it was annoying how I don't ever take sides when it comes to conflicts. (Woah I've been advocating peace and harmony since young) Well, I guess sitting on the fence has always been comfortable for me and there is always a few wrongs in our so-called "right". And not forgetting the existence of mitigating circumstances and exceptions. So really, I'm an easy-going and forgiving person and it's hard to dislike me. But that said, it won't be easy to love me.

"The fault, is not in our stars, but in ourselves." - Shakespeare
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