Quenching thirst ,
Friday, June 6, 2014 | 11:43 PM
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| A photo of my granny and I in Malaysia last year June |
Nowadays, the more I look at my grandma, the more she looks like a little child to me. /heartaches/
Grandma came over from Malaysia this week because she say she misses us (me and my brother), and that we haven’t go back in the longest time ever so she crossed the sea to Singapore to see us. That's how she ended up in my house for the past three days, cooking lunch and dinner, helping out with the chores. She was also partly the reason (amongst other things) why I don’t feel like going out today (Sorry Wai, I really did wanna celebrate your birthday with you de btw!) because I really want to accompany her. Seeing her around the house, watching her coming over and leaving alone, I just constantly have the strong urge to hug her.
Was helping her with making lunch today and while standing beside her, I couldn’t help but notice that she has shrunk. I don’t remember being able to look over her head in my memory but today when I stood beside her, her brown-dyed hair was way below my chin. She emits the aura of a fragile woman but the way she yields her knife and prepares a meal with such a vigor that leaves me amazed and in wonder of where all that energy comes from. She chops the yam and chicken like no big deal while yours truly only chops vegetables but my arms are already sore. /hangs head in shame/ I find great pleasure in cooking with her though, because the air will constantly be filled with mouth-watering smells and she works quietly, efficiently and effectively.
Whereas if I try to cook with my mum, she will constantly be nagging non-stop about redundant things and she lacks the skills and poise my grandma poses. My grandma is as humble as my mum is stubborn. My grandma will cook with experience, complementing all the different tastes whereas my mum like to explore and come up with queer new dishes which are hard to swallow (and she doesn’t listen to anyone else’s suggestions or feedback). So cooking with my grandma is really a great pleasure as compared to working alongside with my mum. (Sad but true. I’m not an unfilial child okay..) And if I cook with my dad, nothing I do is ever right. Even my efforts are dismissed. Usually I will end up being more upset and it just spoils my appetite.
That said, cooking with my brother is tremendously fun though. On one hand he likes to explore various kinds of cooking styles (Jap, Western, Chinese, Korean etc. The rest of my family usually just cook Chinese-style food), and on the other he does extensive research before trying anything new, making sure that the taste doesn’t clash. I’m such a lucky sister to have him right? Hahaha. And despite my parent’s constant comparison of him to me and praises for him, he remains humble and always jio me to cook with him, like our siblings cooking game or something. I may not have the best family in the world (I seldom complain/talk/share about it online but my friends will know what kind of hell-hole I live in) but once in a while I have my own blissful moments at home.
And today’s bliss is found from my grandma’s presence. We didn’t speak to each other much while we are hanging around together, (I blame generation gap and partial language barrier) but I can feel her contentment when I’m beside her. After our meal, I sat down to do my work (or at least, attempt to. I couldn’t really concentrate these days somehow), and she sat in the living room and started to fold the clothes that were lying around. With the rain falling lightly outside, she dozed off after a while with a shirt half-folded in her hands, and this thought suddenly popped into my mind, “Even though we don’t really chat with her, I guess she’d rather be here than go back to an empty house.” /heartaches/ I guess I can sense her loneliness. There are days where I just wanna be together with my family members (even though most of our time together is just shitty because of family conflicts).
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| Young Teh who was brought up by granny |
I don’t remember where I read this from but there’s this concept that I’ve heard before, that “life is a cycle”. When you’ve reach a certain age, you become young again. Not the spirited youth that you once were, but the dependent and vulnerable baby you have been at first. Damn I’m too lazy to attempt to explain it with my limited vocabulary and expression, so I will do the thing that I hate people doing to me: Leaving one hanging. Sorry. Anyways, I took a nap around 4pm plus and when I woke up, my granny has left. (She went back to my aunt’s house in Bukit Gombak) Sigh. It was still raining but I heard from my brother that she left without an umbrella. I got really pissed off at my brother who didn’t persuade her to stay until it stops raining and furious at myself for taking such a long nap.
I was texting Yiling the other day, and I told her that her personality is like Whisky. An exotic and addictive taste but sometimes overwhelming, and if consumed excessively, it leaves one with a bad hangover/headache. Some, dare not touch it, and speaks of it as something harmful and dangerous (in recent events, I guess I can refer to that “some” as our principal), while others constantly seeks and “revel” in it. If I were to make a comparison for my grandma and drinks, she will be the (正宗) Chinese Chicken Herbal Soup, rejuvenating the body and soul. With her age and experience in life, like a soup that has been brewed for very long, the taste is thick and slightly bitter but beneath it, is something sweet, healing and calming, like the words she speaks.
A delicious bowl of Chinese Chicken Herbal Soup comes with many (for the lack of a better word,) healthy ingredients, like her wisdom and judgment. I still remember how, a few years back, she warned my mother that I will mature faster than my age (in her words:早熟) and she advised my mother to keep an eye on me before I am led astray or cheated by guys. And it was only after I have gotten into trouble, then my mum regretted not heeding my grandma’s warning, saying that grandma’s “prediction” came true. (I think my grandma is just more observation about certain things and she can tell things from my words and behavior etc.)
And of all the soups that I like to drink, Chinese Chicken Herbal Soup is my favorite (the sweet corn chicken soup (which she made today) and bak kut teh comes in a close second) and the ones that my grandmother cooks are the best, especially the thick and flavorful taste of her herbal soup. I think the difference is not with the recipe but the amount of love and feelings that she put into the dishes that she cook (and I guess experience plays a part too. LOL). And there is not a single person who dislikes her food after trying it. /pride/ Maybe I should ask her to brew it tomorrow. P:
Anyways, speaking of drinks and comparing it to personalities, I would like myself to be “plain water”. Because 1) there are many uses for it, from drinking to washing to playing; 2) it is essential (though often taken for granted) even though there’s nothing special about it; 3) a little change can be made and water can turn into another drink, for example, adding Milo powder turns it into an energizing Milo, adding Honey turns it into honey water that helps soothes the throat etc. This sums up what I wanna be in life, 1) to be useful and make contributions for the people around me; 2) to be needed by others even though I don’t stand out; 3) to be able to fit with anything (be it people or situations in life) and turn into something different and pleasant.
Xoxo,
Xinying, and occasionally, Teh Ah
P.S. Watching this variety show recently and I'm IN LOVE with it because of the doting fathers and ADORABLE little kiddos. ... I'm a sucker for this sort of things. :x
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