Winter in this unforgiving heat ,
Saturday, April 26, 2014 | 4:25 PM
This year's school sports day, Le Chinese School has decided to let the seniors to go on a hike from chua chu kang to bukit timah. It was a bit more exhausting and hot and humid than I have expected it to be but it was truly madly deeply great fun. Thank you RV, you have outdone yourself this year :) in the middle of a mugging year, I guess we do need walks like this once in a while to bond with our friends, and to keep fit.
This walk made me discover three types of people. Life doesn't always go your way, and when thrown with tasks one detest from the bottom of their heart, the first type goes through with it grumpily and try to do the minimum that is expected of them. For example, for a woman who doesn't like sewing, but her child asked her to help sew a fallen button, type number one will sew it while complaining but finishes the task.
Type number two woman, will just throw away the clothes, and get for her child a new one so that she doesn't have to sew the button. These types of people will avoid doing what they don't like to do even though the task is already given to them and try all kinds of way to wriggle their way out of it (and in reference to this hike, pon/skip the hike altogether and doesn't turn up)
Whereas the last type of people, are the ones who are truly the admiring ones. The ones who embraces their personal challenges and dislikes, who try to make the best out of everything. Type number three woman, will not only sew that button of her child's clothes, but will also look for her husband's clothes who need sewing after she finishes her task. Once given the task, these kind of people will not only do what they need to but will also go beyond the task and improve themselves along the way. Sure they'll complain about how much they dislike the task but they will still give it their all.
There are many things that we don't like to do, many situations where we try to avoid bth life has it made that we cannot run away forever. And rather than waste your time trying to find lies and excuses or some way to avoid these things, (.... This is turning into some stupid lecture post and I really hate that. ... ) But anyways, those motivators who stand on the stage telling people, to make situations like these into a learning opportunity, are seriously trying to make a point when they say it.
Was listening to the radio the other day, (now I listen to Kis92 in the morning rather than 987fm cause I prefer the Kis92 DJs of the morning shift. But in the evening, I will listen to 987fm for the muttons) but anyways, one of the DJs asked, "what are the words we use the most on each other nowadays?" I immediately thought of "I'm so tired" as a reply but what they said was more true: "I'm busy"
Some other comments from the DJs about this:
Well it just tells the other persons that "I'm not here", like your mind is on other things, you need to go to somewhere else. You're not in the here and now and is thinking about "what's next?"
And your life revolves around the "to-do-list" and you're overwhelmed by many things.
Yeah our society equate "being successful" with "being busy". If you idle and has "nothing to do", it become to mean that you're not important enough to have anything to do. To the society, a successful man is a busy man. And we all want to be successful don't we?
I do feel like I've a lot to do on my hands and the work load doesn't seem to be decreasing as time passes and is piling up. So I am one of those "busy people". But I guess we are "idle people" once in a while. Yesterday after the hike in the great outdoors with my class, I have band in the afternoon. I was feeling extremely sticky and smelly and uncomfortable so I made an impromptu plan to go to Alicia's house (who lives very close to where our trail ended) to take a shower.
Luckily, she is having school break now (poly and JC has different holidays and term breaks), so she ask me to just come over. The last time I've been to her house was more than three years ago (even though she comes to my house at least once every six months) so I'm very surprise that I still feel at home in her neighbourhood and my legs just naturally brought me to her doorsteps as thought the last time I've been there was just yesterday. And I'm really glad that we're so comfortable with each other (that I can just air my bra on her balcony) and whilst I hang around, she just continue doing her own stuff (which at that time, was watching discovery channel LOL) as though it's only natural that I'm there and that me taking a shower at her house is like a normal everyday thing.
Which also makes me feel bad cause she's been asking me to hang out together over the weekends recently but I always couldn't make it because I'm one of those "busy people". And when I needed her, there she is! And hanging with her (even though it's a short half an hour) really helped me to recharge my energy and freshen me up. If I haven't already expressed it, I'm truly madly deeply grateful for friends like her.
I've been craving for alcohol a lot recently. I'm addicted to the warm feeling alcohol gives. Alcohol takes away my emptiness and the coldness I feel (not from the weather apparently). It replaces the warm hugs I used to receive. Alcohol helps me to destress - something that his presence use to help me with. And like every other broken girl, I try to recover this unbearable pain with a self-prescribe cure that will probably do more harm than good.
To be honest (to myself), replace the word "alcohol" with "his presence" for what I truly desire.
I've stopped asking myself "will I ever recover?", instead I ask, "How long more?"
P.S. Please don't ask me not to drink. I know it's harmful, and don't worry, I don't binge drink to the extent that I damage my own body. I don't do it for the attention, nor to get high. I don't want words of comfort it makes me awkward but I will seek help when I'm ready .... and it's probably soon.
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