Before another journey starts
Wednesday, December 11, 2013 | 10:23 PM
Crappy post from yesterday made me decide to write a more heartfelt one to make up for it. I shall start by talking about yesterday. I met up with Yiling, just the two of us and we went cafe hopping at Tiong Baru. I was telling her how a good virtual life means a pretentious social life in real life. If I were to have a lot of nice photos posted today, a good long post on my blog today, will mean that I have been cropping up at home and have the time to do all this online stuffs. Recently it includes blog shopping.
Not planning to go anywhere today other than my piano lesson so that I can have some rest time at home and some me time (like finally). The days that I haven't been blogging or face booking, I've been in school working hard, catching up with friends I met in school doing the same thing as me and if I'm not in school, I'm window-shopping and just hanging out in the malls with friends around the west side of Singapore.
Also have been going out with dad and brother a lot (mostly to look for furniture. My dad say I need to get a good chair when I study or else if I sit at the study table for so long, my neck and back is gonna ache) not hanging out with "friend" much because he don't have time for me recently. Truth be told, it's putting my trust on him to test because while I spend quality time with a lot of other people, I feel very distanced from him.
Anyways, back to talking about yesterday, it was a very eventful one, because it's our first date. LOL. And... I knew Yiling's blog before I knew her. Guess it's true for most of you too. (Tyvm internet) I know her based on my judgement of her and not from knowing her at the start. I remembered feeling and thinking that she's the type of person who has a lot to say but keeps it to herself. Who thinks the whole world is stupid and not worth her time. (I have told this to her personally so it's okays if she reads this)
But there was this time, I forgot when but it's quite recent when we were conversing and we found a similarity between us, our fathers. That was when she saw another side of me, and me, of her. And we realize that our judgement of each other was wrong. Like 360 degrees. I would say 720 degrees but I will just be going around in circles. Okay not the point. Anyways, the more we talk, the more I like to talk with her. She makes me think. Like REALLY think. Sometimes even more than I usually think when I am under my shower-head or on the bus.
She probably did not realize it but she also helped me to discover a lot about myself. I guess you truly learn about yourself when you start talking about your opinions on things. Like what you feel about people, about life in generally, how you treat people and why do you treat them the way you did. .... I wanted to talk about the eventful day yesterday and now I am like writing a dedication for her LOL. For those of you who read her blog (like I did and still does, but I do so more openly now), if by reading it, you feel that she is a very opinionated and strong girl, you are right. But if you think that she's mean and bitchy because of the word she uses and the ways she phrases it, she is less of the bitch you think she is. (I know I never say that she is totally not bitchy. Who isn't bitchy at 17 anyways?) I'm not lying. I was extremely surprised in a totally good way, when I slowly know her better.
So when you read this girl, (I am known for my cheesiness so let me be), know that you are truly appreciated, for your great company, your cuteness (in your own way), and all of you and if we become distanced or grew apart one day eventually, (which is inevitable), know that I will always come to you once in a while. (Even when I'm in university (which I hopefully will be) and have to cope with all the whatnots and have no time for free time. Even when I'm 50 but maybe not after that. :p Because after 50 I will probably be having my menopause and I will be cranky and it will ruin my image) But before I'm 50, I will find you. And I will make you go out eat with me. And correct and improve my lousy English pronunciation. .... Because you are now in my "important people of my life" list.
P.S. If I really have no time to find you, I will just blog about you agains. LOL
Back to talking about yesterday. We wanted to have waffles at tanjong pagar but the cafe was closed. So we went to eat at Tiong baru instead. I have totally no fate with waffles. De other time I wanted to go to this cafe in Chinatown for their strawberry ice cream waffles with Alicia and it was closed too. On a stupid random weekday. I went all the way there too. Sigh. But nonetheless, the food at Tiong baru as good too! I am deprived of good food btw.
It was my first time out with Yiling with just the two of us, (the first time I hang with her outside school was probably during the PW0269 BBQ but that was before we were close and before I really know her and it was with a group of people so it doesn't really count!) Despite the image I have of her, she turns to be quite a funny cluz. It was the first time someone led me to cross the road, just to cross back again LOL. And she has gotta be the queen of spilling drinks. Couldn't have tell right?! Hahahah. Both quite the drama mama.
So speaking of people, someone whom I've been spending quite a lot of times with these days, is Brangelina. A very unexpected friendship there too. Seeing how both our bad reputation gave us a bad start. And only one word can describe her. She is a true blue bimbo LOL. I don't even know where to begin to describe her bimbotic character and actions LOL. But what I love most about her, is that she is not a fake person. If she likes you she will really like you. If she don't like you, she won't bother to pretend to like you.
I guess this is why she seems mean sometimes, when she don't like someone. But she don't like people for a reason de, not those unreasonable: I see you and I bushuang so I don't like you kind. And if we have issues, let's talk it out. Instead of pretending that nothing is wrong and everything is okay. She is someone who is full of life and energy, her non-stop talking whenever I met her makes her irritating and yet entertaining at the same time. Maybe another reason why some people cannot stand her (she was telling me about her enemies de other day) because they couldn't see it a funny and bimbo side of her.
And she is someone whom I feel that I have to protect. Because despite her intelligence and strong character in some areas, her stubbornness in others, after hanging out with her together for a year, one can tell that people might take advantage of her de. I don't mean it physically but now that I think about it maybe that too. LOL. I know that I really didn't want her to be in my class at the start of the year, but now she's one of my favourite person to hang around. Her with her interesting tales.
Her everyday: "OMG IM SO PISSED OFF!"
Me everyday: "AGAIN?!?!"
There are two types of bitchy people that I know. The first is a female dog, hardly human - the way they backstab the people they know, the way they step on others to get to the top, the way they lie, use and manipulate others, and all the underhand things that they do to get what they want. That is the first kind if bitchy. The second kind of bitchy is 三八, the kind who gossip about people (this is unavoidable, do not tell me that you do not gossip about people), and then add their own spices into de gossips (I declare myself guilty of this occasionally but I am trying to maintain already), the kind who knows the line between what's morally right and wrong and stop themselves just as they step on the line, the kind whose words and expressions are more bitchy than their actions. We are all bitchy in a way. We become "mean girls" once in a while. But I will never allow myself or my friends to turn into the first kind of bitch.
Brangelina has a reputation for being a bitch (she confessed that she rolled her eyes at me in my face last year, it was some misunderstanding btw) but as with Yiling, from her, I learnt that some people are more than they seem and are mostly misunderstood, and you should really never judge a book by its cover. Nor a movie by its title/trailer. (Another story for another day). So for Brangelina, here's to you graduating from RV, much better than before, and here's to you finding more friends who are deserving of you! :* I will always be there to here you rant! :p
Someone else who had been there for me recently as I mug in school, was pui pui :* personally, she is the number one person on my list to annoy, to whine and sajiao to. (Probably because of her motherly character) I'm so filled with love for this girl it is hard to continue writing this. LOL. I know I've influenced her a lot and she has became a much better tempered and friendly person from when I met her in 3J two years ago. Hahaha yes I still remember :p
The most ridiculous incident where she got really angry was probably when she flared up (I remember tears...?) because Rio sat on her pocky biscuits (.... Is she gonna kill me for revealing this?) We're both capricorns, and even though she is more capricious than me in many ways but because we're both capricorns, I guess that's why we see many things in the same light. It's great to heart to heart talk with her because she can see where I'm coming from most of the time :D whenever I talk to her, I always feel that I can connect with her. But what's makes me really enjoy her company, is knowing that she enjoys my company and really really wants to hang out with me. ^^ it goes both ways I guess p:
I've been talking to pui pui about my brother too. Who I have been spending alot of time with these holidays. The importance my brother has in my life, cannot be expressed in mere words. And when it comes to family issues, even though I have friends like Isabelle and Yiling (the few who really GET what I mean, no matter how slightly), but my brother is the only one who truly FEEL what I mean and get through thick and thin with me. If I have to thank my parents for one thing, it is for giving me my little brother.
I know I've always wish for an elder brother, to be there to protect me and teach me about society when I'm a teenage girl, instead of having to find out about things the hard way. But my little brother taught me how to care for and protect others, he taught me the importance of kinship between siblings, and he taught me what a great feeling it is, to have someone look up to you, rely on you, and to miss you when you're not home (he always have TONS to talk about when I come back from camps or from a long day out).
He was the first person I ever fought for. I didn't even remember this until he told me a few weeks back. It was the first time I fought with my dad, talking back to him and walking out on him (I always just listen to what he has to say and never go against him de. It is my own way of showing my respect and filiality for him I guess) It happened when my brother was in primary three or four (he's 13 now), and his friends from the student care centre was playing with staple bullets, (he wasn't the one playing) coincidentally my brother's throat starts to hurt and being the paranoid little boy that he was, he thought that the staple bullet got into his mouth
My brother told me about it (when you're the eldest sibling in a family with issues, you are the most important person to the youngest sibling) but he didn't dare to tell my dad because he knows my dad will just scold him. But when we were having dinner, my brother couldn't eat much because of his hurting throat and my dad questioned him so he found out what happened eventually. He flared up. (No surprise. Not even the climax) .... Which made me flare up. I remembered thinking, "the first thing on a father's mind should be how to help his son rather than scolding him for something that he did not do right?!" My brother was crying by then and for the first and only time in my life, I shouted at my dad for his heartlessness.
We find courage in the people we love.
I don't remember the details but I remember running back home alone in the end after my outburst (we were at this hawker centre getting our dinner). I didn't know then that what I did, made a lasting impression in my brother's memory and it made him look up to me. So cute right? I know. :') Unlike most guys I know, even at his tender age of 13, he shows a maturity beyond his years. (Those who hear me talk about my brother before will understand what I mean)
His passion for cooking led him to researching for himself different recipes, types of food, whether this spice goes well with these vegetables etc. Boys his age play handheld games, online games, watch stupid cartoon/dramas and what my brother watches are shows like.... MasterChef. And his knowledge of food is better than my mother. Not only does he know how to cook, he's a funny dude, saying really unexpected things. Maybe not the witty funny but the LOL why would people think until like that kind of funny.
In more than one ways, he fills me with pride whenever I talk about him. Not only does he have good academics results, he's a very easy going guy so I have no fear about him turning into a socially-awkward guy even though most of the people he meet in school now are socially-awkward. (They came to my house to do project before, so trust me. Those boys boys are weird.....) Kids his age, worry about winning online games and beating their friends' high score. But my brother? .... He worry about my family's debts and bills. Geez I'm seventeen and the eldest child and yet I.....
His maturity makes my heart aches quite often. But I know that it also makes me love him more. I just hope that he will have a happier childhood than what he is going through now. He once said that he think our dad very pitiful because of all the stress which our father is going through which made him have anger management issues. I wanted to tell him that it's not pity that we feel for our dad. The sadness we felt are the heart aches to see what he has to go through to support this family, because he is our father and to some extent, cheesy as it sounds, we do love him.
Because no matter what, since the beginning, all we have are each other in the end.
I didn't tell him then because he was only 12 but after talking, or rather, listening to him, I know that it is soon time to discuss the serious issues with him. Ones that our parents doesn't tell him about. And correcting him about his opinions and reflections on matters he observe in our family, in our society. Sometimes he has cooler points of views though. But he will definitely need advice. And if our parents can't be there for him, he needs to know that he can rely on me.
But he is growing up too fast. And sometimes I can't quite catch up.
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