I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

I don’t understand what’s with everyone’s craze to start a blog recently. Perhaps it’s just a RV phenomenon that I’m seeing or maybe cause present bloggers are just getting too inspiring that everyone suddenly starts to keep an online journal now. I mean, many who don’t use to blog are suddenly blogging and I’m getting annoyed by all the similar styles and insincerity of people’s blogging.

I’ve been blogging since primary school. The entries list by the side dates back to December 2008. (Something that I’ve been very proud of although there’s no reason to be proud of something like this) The past had been embarrassing yes but it makes me nostalgic whenever I re-read the past posts. I think that’s the point of keeping a dairy really, whether online or offline. To remember moments in life which you’ve find worth writing down, fussing over, cared enough about.

People used to tell me, you’re gonna look back and think what an idiot you have been when I was younger. Geez. How time flies and now I am the one telling other people that. Telling them that small things that they are crying over now are not worth it, things that I myself have once cried over. If you get bad results, get over it, work harder. No point crying because it is already over (... hey it rhymes LOL) And if the guy leaves you, tell yourself you’ll find someone better.



Of course heart-breaks are never easy. But the other day I realize something. Whether he stays or not is definitely up to you. If he isn’t happy, how far are you willing to go to make him smile again? If he wants to leave you, how much are you willing to do to keep him? If he does not like your personality after a while, are you willing to change for him? If you are just gonna cry about it and wait for that someone to pity you or give in to you .... Good luck to you... He or she is bound to get tired someday.

So people, here’s the truth. Love is an extremely controversial thing and totally up to personal interpretation. Well... Let’s rewind a bit shall we? I've mentioned: "If he isn’t happy, how far are you willing to go to make him smile again?" I think the top reason for break-ups are probably unhappiness and if we were to draw a mind map or give it headings etc., unhappiness would probably consist of insecurities, lack of communication or commitment, and so many things that make people unhappy that I will never have the time to list finish all.

But, if your special someone is unhappy, how far are you willing to go to make him or her smile again? I’m going to be totally honest here. This is how it used to be with him when we were unhappy over different stupid and sometimes ridiculous reasons:

Him: Wad
Me: .. Nth
Him: K
Me: Hmm?
Him: Nvm
Me: Orh

So exciting right?! It’s like walking on thin ice and seeing who’s the first to say, “Forget about it” or “I give up” or “Let’s just stop talking”. But now I realize that actually I am not someone who needs a lot of pride. I think the people around me are more important than this stupid pride of mine. (I can forgo my pride but not my dignity) So de other day when we had a stupid fight again and the conversation started heading to this direction, I was going to walk away again, telling him that I am too busy to fight with him like this when I suddenly stopped in my tracks.

And I realize that I don’t want to go back to that stage again. So I gave in to him first. (By giving in I mean fussing over him actually.) He is not someone that I want to lose again and this time, I let him know that. I told him that, I’m not going to run away and let the bad emotions manifest again. And so I called him and made the cheesiest confession I’ve ever made in my 17 years of living. Okay maybe I’ve made cheesier ones but they’re always in writing form and I’ve never ever let something so mushy come out of my mouth.

But now I'm so glad for all the courage and love that I've mustered up for that confession. After that call, everything suddenly happened so fast, hearing his voice break down, his sniffles of tears in the phone, and then his sudden appearance at my doorsteps with homemade cookies and a gift. I think I got the better end of the deal by giving in to him first. Lucky me. :) But of course, I dont mean to say that we should give in to every jerk out there or go chasing mindlessly after the wrong one, hoping that one day you will change him or touch his heart. Find the one who will return your feelings back to you, if not more.


But ... if he does not what you do, how you look or how you behave and who you hang out with after a while, are you willing to change for him? This is going to be very controversial but hear me out okays? I’ve many friends who told me that you shouldn’t change for someone. On one hand, I totally agree with that. If he does not like me for me, ... then what of me does he like…? But on the other hand, if he does not like that part of me, ... there must be a reason right?

Looking at my parents, I think one shouldn’t be so stubborn in being oneself. Originality and uniqueness is great, I totally applaud it with all my heart. "Being yourself is one of the finest virtue", I stand firmly with this saying too. But if everyone is telling you to change that part of you, or they start treating you in some ways that you don’t really like... The problem might just lie in you if everyone is giving you the same treatment.

My mum has been complaining that no one lets her talk at home. But she doesn’t see that she has been talking nonstop since morning till night. (Why am I not surprised...) De other day she told me that last time my father always shout at her to stop talking, then now it’s me and my brother. When I was younger, I would blame my dad for asking her to shut up.

But now… I can see where he is coming from. Okay I listen to her. I’m totally cool about it. Listening is one of my talents really. I can listen until people start to willing pour out their woes to me. But the saddest part is… She just wants to say what she has to say. She doesn’t even hear what I have to tell her. (so much for communication eh?) Sometimes it makes me wonder whether what I’m saying, whether my being there is even important at all...

I've friends who always come to me about lost friendships. I always ask them, "Why? What happened" Because eventually, someone will realize that the reasons are the same, that the same things keep happening because no one bothered to change. So... here's to getting up on your feet and doing something about your life instead of repeating the same sad stories or being unable to move forward. Actually, I'm slightly annoyed at how optimistic I sound because it doesn't reflect what I really am. Between you and me, I'm truthfully a pessimistic person. Hmm... Enjoying this controversy that is going around this post. Toddles.


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