I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

Well , i've had it with fake people . I've had it with knowing someone and then suddenly discovering their other side . I've had it with people's assumptions , had it with everyone's pretense . I've had enough of me . Why am i getting upset when people whom I'm not close to are ruining themselves ? *Attempts-to-be-poetic-and-wise-Teh-kicking-in*

On Broken Wings , I Fly
" You have to jump first . Step out , then jump . " A voice behind me said . " Don't turn around . Don't have second thoughts . Don't look at me . You know i will always be here . But look , look in front of you , and then ... jump . "
So , I did .
And the impact that i was waiting for never came .

Dead i'm not . Rather , i feel like i'm finally alive .
The winds are carrying me , i could feel them through my tattered feathers .
If i was in my other life , i know these winds are actually call friends . They blow away my worries , my fears , my doubts , they carry me away from the people who bring me down . They were always there even if i couldn't see them . People say that sometimes it's so hot , and there's no wind . But ... "Winds are moving air and they are still there , even if they've stopped moving , That , was my feeble voice .

I continue flying cautiously , wobbling along on my torn wings , as scenes reappeared from my other life .
I remember a time when the air stop moving , and the winds stop carrying me along . My friends , they stopped moving , they stopped moving forward with me , while i continue my blind chase on what i thought was more important for me .
Our distance widen , our gaps grew , and i could no longer feel the breeze which helped me flew . I want to get to my goals , but at that time , i din realize , that i was leaving the most important things behind .

And without the winds , the clouds blocked my views . And i struggle to beat my wings against these disruptions , suddenly a flash back swept across my eyes and i saw how i couldn't fight my opponents without the support of my friends . As with how the winds cans blow away the clouds , my friends were the ones who backed me when i was challenged , the ones who kept me on track , who helped me see straight .

I moved my wings with greater efforts . I tried to fight my way out of these clouds . These clouds will bring thunderstorm and i know , i cant survive the strong winds of a thunderstorm . I knew i said , the winds are my friends . But these winds of the thunderstorm , they are just "friends in name" . They are also winds but they are not .... But they are not MY winds .
These winds will blow me off course , these winds are like the people who pretend to be friends on the surface but actually , they just wanna blow me further and further away . Yes i know that now . But is it too late to fly back now ?

" You have to open your eyes . Wake up , then fly . " Voices around me said . " Don't lose faith . Don't have second thoughts . Don't be afraid . You know someone will always be there for you . Look , look carefully and decide , and then ... FLY . "
So , I did .

Yesyes i see the question marks forming above your heads and i hear you questioning that weird passage but what i was trying to put across ishh by relating myself as a "bird" , and the "winds" as friends , while the "clouds" are the people who doesn't help you in your life ( because for yours truly , enemy ishh too strong a word ) These clouds blur you , harms you , as with how some people in life will get jealous of you and try to bring you down . But these "clouds" are not as scary as the "thunderstorm winds" , people who pretend to be helping you , but they just deter you and blow you even further off course . Like how fake friends support you in stupid decision and push you nearer to the end .


Actually the things i've blogged about on top wasn't my agenda for my blog post today . It was actually about my senior band journey . With these two girls , i've only 4 more days of band practices left . Then they would step down in a week's times and it would be a full stop to our 5 years journey TOGETHER as a bandsman . It may be hard to believe , but i'm actually fighting back tears as i'm blogging about this . My last batch of seniors before i become the oldest senior in RVCB ...

In band , they always say that you will be closest to your section and particularly the batch before and after you . Proven super accurately be yours truly's personal experience . The only reason why i stayed in senior band and never quit was because of my senior , Sally and Shiqi and eventually it became for my conductor , my batch mates and my future juniors . If people ask me what do i value most in band , the music or my band mates . I would , without hesitation , say that it's for the latter . If not for them , i would never have enjoyed playing and feeling for the music so much .

I wouldn't have such a great time at the back . Doing stupid moves to the music being played , entertaining my section mates , now that i think about it , the times passed was fast , the moments a blur , but i know , that i had fun . And this , ishh making my eyes tear agains . We are so afraid of losing . No not the silly title of SYF , but losing the faith and confidence our seniors have in us , losing the evidence that all these practices we have had was worth it . We are so afraid of forgetting , being forgotten . I don't ever wanna forget these great times that we've had .


Being a percussionist ishh always different . We dont tune ourselves the way other sections do . We hear for each other but we listen out for different things . And another special things ? We always get to train for muscles , especially when it comes to practicing in different venues . The only fear i have during performance ishh that i cant get my heart to stop beating wildly after the hectic rush of setting up the instruments and i need time to adjust before i cans get myself into the music ... But i guess i got used to the crazy moving around (achievement unlocked) . I dunno since when , but i've came to love the moving the instruments though it exhaust me most of the times . LOL . And yes i will still never stop complaining about it :)

I love the people i met in band . Other seniors who heard of " Teh Ah " judges her . But i feel loved and protected (SOMEHOW. LOL) by my own seniors . I feel taken care of by them ( even if they DO gossip about me. LOL too interesting le i am :p ) Their acceptance of me , the faith and trust they have in me , the way they would look for me ... I know i'm gonna miss them . .... Suddenly wonder if my juniors will also one day , feel the same way about me like this . LOL . But as i think about my juniors , i finally understand what the adults mean .

Adults told me , that no matter how old you grow , no matter how much you've grown up / mature , your parents will still forever see you as a child . Not in the you're still childish way . But more of the you're-my-child-so-i-will-ALWAYS-protect-you-and-love-you way . And that basically sums up how i feel about my juniors . LOL . Yes i've seen their growth , their changes , but in my heart , they will always be my little chicks , my treasured little babies . LOL *Mother-hen-Teh mood kicks in* Omg i just have to spoil the atmosphere ! Hahaha . Damn the sudden reminiscences of the times in Taiwan with my extra special four little chicks .... Yeah i'll definitely miss taking care of them ... :(


Maybe these words wouldn't bring tears to your eyes , because i'm unable to pen down the memories , the scenes that are now flooding through my mind . Maybe you're feeling sad now , because these words bring another memory to your head , your own story that moved you . It's never the people who make you cry , but the memories you have with that person , the things you have been through together . I think i'm more sentimental than i appear to be . I actually do cherish everyone around me alot though i dont have as much time as i want to , to be able to do something for them all the time .

I have no more words . No more idea on how to drag time , pause time , stop time , rewind time , get more time ... But i hope that if my seniors , the batch before me , and the batch before before me , and the batch before before me , ever see this , yall all graduate before me , but i really really hope that " as we go on ... we'll remember .... all the times we .... have together.... and as our lives change , come whatever , we will still be , percussions foreverrrr " I've lost count on how many times i've blogged about band , about my guiltiness of being a not-skillful SL ( and not doing anything about it still omg ) , about my attachment to my section ... Well , last SYF this friday , 03 May 2013 . LEGGO !


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