but loving him was red ,
Wednesday, November 21, 2012 | 3:34 PM
Just came back from band . Hahah . today got the set piece for SYF next year . It's an easy piece of music so the judging ishh probably gonna be not so lenient . O: ! Anyways , today percussion only got me and Sally ... we used to be the biggest section in band but now ... heard that the previous band prac before this , totally no percussionist turn up ... ( yours truly had a hospital check up follow-up , VR (vaild reason) oggays ! ) But i think i've been a very failed SL ... lawls .. such a small section le also cant bond them probably . Cant motivate my section too or inspire them either with my limited skills and vision ... 很惭愧 :/
But recently , i remembered this thingy that someone told me once before . That when we're playing music , we shouldnt be thinking . Well , even if we are thinking , we should be thinking of how to make each note , each sound , each phrase comes out better . It's not about the whole music , whole song . Okays , maybe it ishh . But it's also about the little details and each individual notes . It's like thinking of the then and now rather than worrying about the fast part or the solo that's coming up . I'm trying . For both band and while playing piano . Trying to bring the expression out . The emotions that comes with each piece . (although idk the heck of what emotions i'm suppose to bring out for "Antiphonale" , which ishh out current choice piece for SYF'13 ... ) And trust me . It's truly much easier to play music when you're in love .... :x
First Loves ,
That’s exactly what they are .
Those are the ones that introduced you to everything ,
Made you love them , loved you back .
And also , broke your heart .
But no matter how hurt you are ,
You’ll always love them , always .
And not only will you not notice it ,
But deep down , you will compare every other one .
And none of them will live up .
Then after months of letting go ,
When you finally think you are okay ,
He’ll call . ... Or you’ll hear “your” song .
Or you’ll visit a place that was important to you .
Or see a movie ... or something that reminds you
Of how much he meant to you .
And how much you really loved him .
And realize you’re not over him .
And maybe never will be .
This , i cans truly relate . Every . Single . Day . The more boys i meet , the more i realize that it's only him i want to be with . A person's online diary tells a lot about them . It shows what kind of images they see in their head , who they love , who they hate , even what they think about other people ( though yours truly will keep this kind of thingy discreet :P ) . But most of all , has all the words they never said to people , all the words they couldnt have said but should have said . Sometimes , you just want someone to know ...
Sometimes i got tired of how you would dig at me when i said i love you always . And when i told you it's just you , you would dig up my other relationships with other guys . Then i realize that i have been doing the same too . When i'm especially insecure on that particular day , when you say that you love me , i would ask , what about your ex . I realize , i just wanted more confirmation that it's me . To hear you say in different ways that i'm different from the rest . But the thing ishh , even if this some kind of mutual feeling thing . I dont even know how to answer to muyself .... This ishh a "cloudy paragraph" ...
Cloudy paragraph ishh when i'm trying to put an idea across or when i'm trying to express my feelings but i couldnt find the right words / the ideal expressions so i just try to scrape through . Have a lot of cloudy paragraphs that's why i stopped writing for a period of time . I'm doing it agains though :/ Next time , if anyone write on my birthday card , " you're older now , things are gonna be better now " , that person's name ishh going into my list of liars ! I dont think that things get any better when as you grow up ... You just learn to adapt and mask things better ..... Actually , I fear i'm gonna spend the rest of my life remaining stagnant like this ....
To the top