words that kills , once ,
Sunday, October 23, 2011 | 4:22 PM
LOL my water bottle broke . My pretty pink polka dots . :/ Oh but i got a new bag (Y) a purple one spammed with white stars . Not of a high quality but it's cheap . :D Anyways , they were talking about vulgarities de other day . Saying how we shouldn't scold vulgarities at people . Personally , i dont think vulgarities hurt . People usually say that when their emotions are heated , mostly unintentionally hurting . And at the same time just polluting themselves . Words that really kill , words that really hurt . I think , are words like , "SO?" , "Whatever." , "Fine" , "Orh" , "Bye" . Stuffs along this lines . Dismissive , uncaring . If you know what i mean . If i scold you a bitch . It means i disapproval of your actions .But when you say words like those , those dismissive words which i mentioned , it means you no longer care .
Means it no longer bothers you and it means that me or whoever ishh the subject , ishh of no importance to you . Speaking of caring . Was on the topic of over-caring just yesterday . Sometimes we couldn't decide whether to care too much or not to care . When we care too much , we sometimes hurt ourselves , but when we dont care , it seem to hurt others and hurt ourselves agains . It's like , when we decide to let it go , we suddenly hold on tighter . Stuffs like that , happening everyday in daily life . Self-contradictions . I wish i cans elaborate and explain myself but brilliant me just happen to be at loss for words suddenly . :/
Anyways , sometimes when people say that to me , like "whatever" , i laughed it off or attempt to make some comeback , like everything's okays . That's the thing , i laugh it off , but during those times , i actually hurt inside . Especially when people say "so?" like it's de only thing they know how to say . ... I know , i find it cool but you dont , you dont care about it . I get it . So next time i wont tell you agains . Then you say i leave you out , dont tell you stuffs . Idk why i pretend it's fine half the time when you repeatedly hurt me with your words . Intentional or not . ... Okays . Fine . I know why . It's cause idw to hurt you like how you are hurting me . It'd be easier for me to "whatever" or "so?" you back to or just give you an attitude and sian face . But i care whether you will get hurt . Maybe you wont bother yourself with what i think . But i'm not risking it . Like you do .
`it's a wonder how people always fear that they're the subject of the context when no names are mentioned . guess i'm not the only one with that fear ,
Oh yeah . Went to Amy's house to swim last friday . *random song popping in* Last friday night ~~ Okays . Where was i . Oh yeah . Went her house to swim . Tried to make a whirlpool in her Jacuzzi but failing miserably . LOL ! and i think we looked like retards running around inside the Jacuzzi . And that brilliant girl just have to fall down to prove my point . LOL !
Then we went to play at the kids' water playground . Omg that was fun . Tried sliding down the slide backward , forward , on-my-front-wards , thinking i very cool . LOL ! and two kids just have to come and attack us . ... AGAINS .
They were blond . Awww . Cuties . The little guy was like HOLDING THE GUN then telling her mum we wanna kill them . Kids and their imagination . How i miss the innocence . Surely now i'm never able to just go up to a random teenage to even play a simple game of scissors paper stone . :x Kopp their food maybe . But talking / playing with a stranger ishh even beyond my amazing capabilities . Then we also attempted to swim in de adult pool ... without goggles . Okays . She swam a bit while i hobble around trying to act sexy and cool . ._. Gahhh . Love jumping into de pool but hate water going up my nose and stinging my eyes .
Speaking of eyes , my left eye now ishh like peeling and swollen . Since i dont know when , i've been rubbing it and it's now getting smaller . So my eye now looks very disgusting , up-close and far-away . :/ Now dont dare put contacts too thanks to that . But i not sure how to treat it . And it's like super dry too ... Gahhh nvms . Talk about something else . Oh yeah . Got scolded by Mrdelacruz de other day . He was like super angry ...
Apparently i was seemingly very gl in class and Chenxi (L) said it's very rude , and now that i think about it i think she's right but at that point of time it was just for a laugh . So i wasn't as mature as i thought i was , should have kept my big mouth shut . :/ Anyways , he sounded and looked scary . But idk why i wasn't scared . Though i felt like peeing cause genius me went to drank alot of water before that . ._. I wasn't scared ... i was more of ... wondering how others are judging me . Lawls . Caring about others' judgement sucks big time . :/
Anyways , that wasn't any highlight . P: Band resuming now . Gahhh . Tiring much . But having you to fetch me after every hardcore practice seems to make everything more bearable . Feeling like a useless piece of crap when combing with yuhua . Kept having this feeling that i've no need to be there . And i dont think there's anyone who could ever make this feeling go away . And feeling more judged than ever . Haish . Cant wait for it to be over . Not that i hate it . I love the experience and the fun i'm having but i just couldn't help turning cold and lost and useless inside out at the same time . Sucks to be me . D:
And for the first time i looked someone in de eye and said iloveyou , for the first time , i sang to someone from the bottom of my heart and with all my love . You never know how much you mean to me . Even when i lost the words to say , love will always find its way , ♥ ... okays idk what i talking suddenly . gosh . :x
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