A Chronology of Thoughts
Thursday, September 22, 2011 | 9:56 PM
Yours truly has been too busy falling in love to blog . :/ sorrysorry i neglected you . ... Kidding la . Well , truth ishh , i was ... mugging ! really ! :D LOL . Been more than a month since i last posted . This would probably be my only post in the month of September . A lot of upcoming things happening one after another . :/ After exams will have this stupid dance aesthetics showcase . Really dun wanna throw my face cause of that dance . :/ already no reputation alr . No ideas for costume and cheography . GGWP . :) Definitely gonna be the worst out of all the classes . Years 4 gonna come down watch . FML .
After that , cca resuming right after eoy . My biggest worry after eoy . Upcoming concert in Nov , “World of Singapore" concert . Stress max . So long never practise ler , have to memorise scores some more . then need combine with Yuhua Concert Band for the practises , what I fear most after seniors step down coming ler . argh . cant even imagine next year new batch coming in what am I gonna do . :/ maybe shall call Eugene agains and talk to him soon . There . that’s all the rants I’m gonna say for this month . … I think . :P
During language arts de other day , teacher was talking about vicious cycle . One of them being the poor unable to get education then as they are uneducated , they cant get a proper job and thus , got poorer and poorer , and the more poor they are , the more they couldn’t afford education . And there we have , an unbreakable cycle . And as always , guailan me just have to make a joke out of it and I was telling amy , got this man , he worry about having white hair . and the more he worry , the more white hair he has and the more white hair he have , the more he worry ! and there we have a vicious cycle ! :D !
Jokes aside , I was just thinking of a personal vicious cycle . Make that cycles . The first cycle that I still couldn’t seem to remove myself from , ishh how I would be nice , get sick of it , and end up hurting people . That was so vague you’re probably gonna misunderstand me right now . :/ I’ve always been nice , always trying to see the best in everyone ( no I’m not self-praising cause that’s what I really do , makes me happier anyways ) but sometimes , people get attached to me or I get to attach to someone .
For case 1 , i’ll keep taking care of that person , let him / her be dependant on me , sometimes taking their pain covered with mine while not being able to do anything about it . But after some time , ( it depends . there was a few scenarios where it took a span of years , while some was months ) I get so tired being nice that I could feel myself not caring at all eventually . Then I feel so myself being so heartless I feel horrible but when I try to be nice agains I felt fake . Then after a while , I just break myself off . But … I’ll always go back . And everything starts all over agains . :/ Horrible me .
Having another negative vicious cycle on my mind but I guess this ishh tragic enough . No more of peeling my own skin . Just a figure of speech . :x There are positive vicious circle of cause . None that I could think of currently . Anyways , been trying to juggle going out with friends and him recently . LOL . and here goes another vicious cycle . ( Seriously , I should probably stop “cycling” already . such . a chore . :x ) Getting into a relationship always makes me neglect a lot of things . But already improving compared to last time . P:
Shall touch about bits and pieces of everything recently . But more about school since I’m should technically be in a mugging mood / be mugging . Hmmm … okies I give up . :x Oh . there was this other day , I went out with Christalle to Vivo , and we were enjoying our little dessert at Awfully Chocolate when we met this Singaporean who live in de States but is back in the country on a holiday . And she started having a chat with us about the difference at here and in the States .
Apparently , it is true that here , the attitudes are different , we are in a way , less bold , … conservative ? She said , that over there , the common attitude they have , like during tests , is for a just pass , and they mature much earlier than Asians . And they will then have more social problems to worry about , underage pregnancy , underage drug dealings etc . Not that we have none , but their percentage ishh way higher . Also , westerns are more outspoken , ( something that I’ve always wanted to be … am I already ? :D ) and are more daring to make mistakes and take that leap of faith .
A totally different life miles and seas away . And here comes a little confession about a little dream : “I’ve always wanted to live in a western country . See how I’ll turn out , how I might cope . How I’ll change . ” Speaking of living a totally different life , i've been having an out-of-this-world experience being with the guy whom felt like the soul mate of my life . Damn . Suddenly lost for words . It's just ... So very personal and emotional . :x
Oh and i owe Amy this . She said i have to mention her or sth . So here i am mentioning her . Amy . ♥ ( shall share your hobo face HAHAHHAHA loveyou too :D )
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