I am forced by the passing of time, the transition of life stages, and the expectations of society to grow up and to behave like a "grown-up" (whatever that would constitute). But here, I would just be a little childish, a little self-centered, a little irresponsible, a little too honest but also a little too pretentious.

24, and still counting.




Kept all my past posts intact because my past was what made me, me. Deleting them doesn't change who I am so I revisit my memories sometimes, to learn and to laugh at my past mistakes.

(Just kidding, I revert some posts to drafts because I'm utterly embarrassed.)


January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
October 2012
November 2012
April 2013
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
July 2016
October 2016
December 2016
January 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
October 2019
December 2019
April 2020
May 2020


Designed by: Ahting

Last year this time (May 2019), I was looking for a job as a fresh graduate.

Well, technically I have not graduated at that time because in my last semester in SMU (Jan – Apr 2019), I failed a module.

(WHATTTTT!?)

I know!! How is it possible to fail a module in SMU?! I mean, you can do terribly, like getting a B, or God forbids, a B minus. But an actual F?! Yes folks, do not joke about “oh no… I am going to fail this module” because jokes on you if you really did fail the module.

(WHAT MODULE DID YOU FAIL??)

Jokes on me because it was not a compulsory module. The module outline highlighted concepts and learnings which I was really interested in. Analysing problems and solving problems ... using codes. Well, at least now I know I don’t speak Python. Oh, to answer the question, I failed Computational Thinking. I still remember in the first few weeks of the class I have quite a few classmates and friends who advised against taking the module and dropping it before the deadline. “This is not a module to take out of interest.” They were right. (Students only took it because it is compulsory for them.)

Anyways, it was not the most fun semester out of all my University semesters because I was taking 5 modules and was the Teaching Assistant for 1 module (Social Entrepreneurship, that was a fun module though). Sadly, I finished my Conjunct terms but at least I got to make some good memories in Peer Helpers with some new friends (who so readily accepted me into their circle aww!) and my Bestie (like finally making memories and having time after that 2017 and 2018 hiatus). It was also the semester right after exchange and the exchange withdrawal did not help at all. Ah, and it was also the job-searching season. It all sums up to “last sem, not best sem”.

But I guess it’s all because it’s not my last sem after all! LOL





After failing one module, I had to reconsider my plans. It was straightforward at first, graduate and find a job. However, now I do not have a degree and have to complete one more module. My options were to take another semester in Aug – Dec 2019 (while doing something on the side of course) and start working full-time in Jan 2020. Otherwise, I could work full-time while completing my degree.

I was lucky, because it was a GE (General ‘something’) module which I had to clear, I was able to take a module in the SMU Global Summer Programme (and again, was the Teaching Assistant for Social Entrepreneurship). The module, ‘Screening Asia History, Society and Politics in Films’, exposed me to many thought-provoking and symbolic Asian films (my personal favourite was Dangal, which is available on Netflix!). I absolutely LOVE that module (even though I have to attend an 8.15am class on every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday for four weeks).

From history to modern societal issues, from scene intentions to the deliberate silences, I had thrived in the stimulating discussion and analysis of the films. The final paper, which is to write about any Asian films, was one of my favourite paper to write in SMU as shown in Appendix G (of a beautiful shot of the four walls to depict the entrapment of women).





The A+ for that module did not salvage the damage done by the F. Lost my distinction.
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Came back to this space wanting to pen down some reflection about my University journey. I felt that I needed closure from that life-changing and person-shaping (just making up words and phrases at this point) phase of my life. Initially, I thought that perhaps with the commencement, I would get the closure I needed. However, because of Covid-19, it seems that I might not have a ceremony after all. ... So here I am.

But when I came back to this space, I realised that there were some issues with the pictures I posted (some watermark on pictures I posted using Photobucket). I could not stand the imperfection, hence I decided to change my blog layout instead. However, it seems that Blogskins.com, my trusty blog templates site is down. I can’t recall when was the last time I tried to access the site but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s gone with the rise of other social media platforms.

Anyways, I have decided to keep this layout. Might revamp it the next time but honestly it’s been so long since I have touched html codes that when I was looking at it earlier, I was afraid that I might screw things up. We’ll see!

However, I did want to update my Blog introduction/description at the sidebar because it read:

”I am now 23.”

That was 2019 though and I am obviously not 23 anymore. My last post was titled Chapter 23: The Days of 2019. It was a terribly lazy post in which I just put together all my Instagram stories of my friends (did not even include my personal adventures (of which I do a lot of, like going to museums by myself, strolling along Singapore river by myself etc.), did not include my boyfriend (till now I still don’t like the term boyfriend hence will change the term later), did not include my family etc.).

The biggest milestone in 2019 is definitely graduating from University and getting my first job (wow adulting!!), and it was not reflected either (there are my friends’ graduation photos though).

I have digressed.

I was trying to think of a new Blog introduction/description about me and I decided to seek inspiration from previous introductions which I have wrote before. And I was... amused by my changes over the years.

Age: 21

21 and pursuing Psychology in University, Xinying is fascinated by languages, hence her soft spot for puns and rhymes (and why she's here writing).
A peaceful and down-to-earth creature, ironically with a boisterous voice and attention-catching character, she finds herself quite a controversy. Read on and let her intrigue thee.

Age: Almost 19

I’m Xinying from Singapore but you can call me Teh Ah. I’ll be turning Nineteen on 15 January 2015. ... I didn’t know how to start writing about myself, so I texted a few friends and asked how will they describe me. “Fun-loving”, “Open-minded”, “Easy to get along”, “Easy to talk to”, “Genuine”, “Realistic”, “Honest”, “Observant”, “Loyal”, “Emotional”, "Stubborn" was some of the responses that I got. The responses are so positive that I am this close to texting my exes to ask what my flaws are to give a balanced (both strengths and weaknesses of mine) introduction about myself. ... Now that I think about it, I really want to text them and ask what was wrong about me that they couldn’t stand being with me any longer.

From what my friends say, I sound like a very friendly person. I’m going to risk sounding arrogant by declaring that that is undeniable as one of my strength which I really take pride in, is my interpersonal skills. My ENFJ personality has me believing that human relations are the top priority in this complicated world. This drives my goal of wanting to understand people better and hence explains my dream to pursue a course in psychology and sociology. (I especially hate it when people ask me what I want to study in University and after I said Psychology, they give me this judgmental look as though I’m just “following the crowd” and being mainstream.)

This brings me to a certain weakness that my friends were too kind to identify and that is my insecurities and fluctuating confidence. Other people’s opinions matter a lot to me and I constantly have to seek approval to reassure myself my self-worth. Needless to say, my happiness is built upon the welfare and influence of those around me and I am aware that it’s something which I have to change or I will remain vulnerable to those who mean harm. But so far, I’ve been blessed with the people I come across and survived the unavoidable betrayals and conflicts in life.

Anyways, I changed my blogskin as per my annual ritual. While my previous theme was “Freedom, Winged, Fly”, this particular new blogskin has no theme actually. Hahah. I chose the template because it was amongst the nicest that I’ve seen and I like the vintage touch. I really love this blogskin because many details are taken care of, much more than the previous ones which I’ve edited. So I hope that the appearance will appeal to Le Readers. That said, the flower carnation have no particular significance to me (but I did my research on it and apparently its scientific name dianthus roughly translating to “flower of love” or “flower of the gods”, which I take to mean it as carnation being THE FLOWER of the flowers. LOL which is good I guess, I mean, who doesn’t want the best amongst the rest?)

While the Jazz music in the background does not really fit with the blogskin, I really love this particular album introduced to me by a teacher. I may not look like it but I’m a sucker for anything Blues, Swings, Jazzy and occasionally Country. Rock n’ Roll gives me a terrible headache and I just can’t seem to appreciate Kpop. I also have a soft spot for Soul music, be it Chinese or English. I enjoy listening to music the most when I walk long distance. Yes I’m a walker (i.e. Walking is my hobby). I can walk for hours and end up feeling refreshed rather than exhausted.

XOXO,
Xinying, and occasionally Teh Ah
8 December 2014

P.S. Oh and if “Le Readers” pop out in any of my blog post, it’s referring to “you guys” who are reading this.
P.P.S. To know more about me, read this post. (Go on, don’t lie to yourself that you’re not interested)

Is it just me or halfway through it actually sounded like an interview answer? HAHAAHHA My strengths are... my weaknesses are... What am I thinking at 18?!?! That pretentious part about Blues, Swings and Jazz? I still like songs of that genre but I wouldn’t say that I know anything if you ask me about them LOL I just bob along. Anyways I’m into Chinese songs now. I really like relatable lyrics... So if I sound super emotional when I am singing in karaoke, yes I am probably thinking about someone or something.

Anyways, something that never changed? I still enjoy listening to music the most when I walk long distances. My favourite route is along downtown core where the Merlion – Esplanade – MBS are situated. There is a swing at the Esplanade Park Children’s Play Area and I’ve been on that swing listening to music quite often. Yes I am that nasty adult who swings super high and made the kids ask their parents to swing them higher.

Age: 18

I'm Xinying from Singapore and I'm Eighteen this year (like finally). I love to eat eggs - steamed, fried, hard-boiled, soft-boiled, scrambled, poached or baked, in my rice, in my noodles, in my bread, in my soup, in my curry, in my salad, in my cake, in my burrito, but most of all, in my stomach. To know more about me, read this post.

HOW LAZY AM I TO LINK ALL MY BLOG DESCRIPTION TO THAT POST WRITTEN IN 2013. And how stubborn am I to have stuck to those beliefs?! Wow. I like this introduction though, VERY APT. I love eggs!!!!!




CRINGING!!!!!

At this point, I am just wondering whether I should just use my LinkedIn description as my introduction as well. LOL But definitely will not do it because what if someone from LinkedIn googled the same description and this blog surfaces. (nervous laughter)

Anyways, like the title suggest,
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